Another fight

Another fight has disrupted my blog life. 

Is it worth it? 

I'm too tired to try and explain. 

Back tomorrow...hopefully. 

A good deed a day

I'm working again in about an hour so this is just a quick one.  

Today has been an inspiring day, I have to tell you about an amazing young guy making a difference in our world right now...

Luke Cameron is the name, good deeds are his game. 

Last January after the death of a close friend, Luke started a good deed blog to log his good deads every day for a year. 

From helping an elderly lady with her shopping to buying strangers meals he is an inspirational young person and a credit to society.  

Reading his blog today made me stop and think:

How can I make a difference today? 

At work earlier we had a collection for the homeless. I looked at my bar of chocolate...

And instead putting it into my greedy gut, I put it in the box for the homeless. 

It may not seem like much but I am going to make more of an effort to be less selfish and do more good deeds. 

Chocolate bar today...who knows what I will do tomorrow?! 

Check out thegooddeeddiary.com and let's all make more of an effort to do a good deed a day. 

Scarlett's blog 16.12.14

This fever is ruining my chance of being a DIVA! 

Mummy took my temprature this morning and it was 38.8, I can only count to 20 so  that was way high. 

Mummy called the doctor 27 (a lot) times and got through to a snooty receptionist who said there were no appointments. How could she not know who I am?! 

After Mummy proded me and rolled a glass over my tummy (weirdo) the Doctor called back and told Mummy to bring me in right away (rightly so.) 

As soon as we got the surgery, I felt much better and skipped in. Mummy told me to to at least try and look ill, I asked why and she just laughed. 

Apparently I have a virus, I did feel awful this morning. I was all hot and bothered so I was unable to make my debut as an angel in the nativity at school. 

There is another performance tomorrow so I will hopefully be better for that. I keep feeling ok and then I flake a bit and need a lay down. 

I best go for a lay down now, Hollywood is going to want me at my best tomorrow. 

Xoxo 

Oh Mummy though this would be funny...

I am not amused. 

Scarlett's blog 15.12.14

I am sooooo ill!!!! 

I woke Mummy up a few times last night crying as my head is totally pounding, it feels like a teddy bear brass band has decided to move into my brain...it hurts!!!

Of course I am too ill to do anything today apart from lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. 

Mummy tried shoving my school uniform on but I got all dizzy so I told her in no uncertain terms I was going back to sleep and to turn off the lights. 

My other list of demands this morning have included:

• Toast with a little butter

• A head massage 

• One biscuit lightly covered in chocolate 

• My favourite book 'The bear hunt' to be read to me 5 times

• 'Let it go' sung to me by an angel 

Mummy did not sing 'Let it go' like an angel so I have told her to be quiet and to run me a bath. 

I am making my debut on stage tomorrow morning for my first official performance as an actress (email me for a signed photograph.) 

I am playing an angel in my school nativity. The role of Mary was going to be given to me but a little girl from my class started crying, so I let her have it. (That is totally what happened. That's my story and I am sticking to it.) 

Well, I best rest again now as I want to ensure I am ready for tomorrow, there might be a talent spotter in the audience who wants to send me to star in a Hollywood movie. In fact I'm sure there will be, I'm a star!! 

Twinkle twinkle 

Xoxo 

(No selfies today, as I am totally washed out.) 

That moment when...

You get into bed after running around after 2 kids all day and think:

'No, I will just have the one child thanks. No more babies for me!' 

I am cream crackered, back with a banger of a blog tomorrow...after I have slept for 15 hours. 

:) 

Lost and found

I have taken the plunge and rearranged my working life to fit in with my mothering life. In other words - I have quit my full time job. (Full time mothers who juggle everything, don't all throw your briefcases at me at once, you might break a perfectly manicured fingernail.)

I don't want to pretend I have it all and I am the perfect mother with a full time job, who's house is perfect and a home cooked meal is in the oven every night by 6pm, I want my sanity!  

I've got myself a part time job which means I can actually play a part in my Scarlett's school life and not be a working mother who only picks up my child once in a blue moon. 

Since September I have met Scarlett's teacher twice and have picked her up from school just 3 times. I missed parents afternoon as I was working and have no idea on how to help her with her homework (I'm going to bring that up with her teacher actually, come on, homework at 5?!) 

I have now found myself in a position where I can be there more for Scarlett. I can be involved at her school and help out on phonic Thursdays (I have no idea about phonics, does anyone?!) and I can still work so I don't go stir crazy at a job which I really enjoy. 

Beans on toast will become a staple meal in our household but I know me and Scarlett will be a lot happier (and I won't be able to afford the gigantic bars of chocolate I gorge on, so my trousers will be happier too and will stop biting angrily into my muffin top.)

When I handed in my notice at my full time job I felt completely lost and reckless but now, I think It's a great kick start to the new year and the beginning of a new life. 

2014 got off to a bad start with a car crash and a punch in the face but next year, I am determined to do things that make me and Scarlett happy (including taking her to the park in the rain when she asks, which in turn will probably not make me that happy but I can't have it all!) 

With New Year's Eve only a couple of weeks away I will be so happy to say goodbye to 2014 and hello to 2015. It will be our year, I will make sure of it. 

When should I let my daughter date?

Obviously not now as she is 5 years old but when the time comes and she becomes a teenager, when should I let her have a boyfriend? 

She does like to inform me that Leo is her boyfriend and drew this earlier...

Maybe I should have hope as she has written 41 above their heads. Has she already decided that is the age she will be when she has a 'proper' boyfriend? 

I was watching one on my American housewives TV programmes earlier and one woman said she is letting her daughter, who is 13, date. 

Well, a commotion ensued and the women were divided over whether a 13 year old should be allowed to date. 

The mother of the girl in question explained she had met the boy and his mother as she had invited them over for lunch but some of the women argued 13 is too young. 

Personally, I think the mother did the right thing by meeting the boys mother and the boy. I think by taking their relationship seriously would deter them from rushing or hiding anything. 

They could have a couple of years getting to know each other and when the inevitable time comes for them to decide if they want to take their relationship further and have sex, it would be meaningful and not a rushed job to get it over and done with. 

I hope Scarlett feels able to talk to me about anything when she is older, especially about boys and I think I would invite the boy and his parents over so we could all put each others minds at rest. 

It's scary to think that in only 8 years Scarlett will be 13. I know dating is not something that she is going to ask me about tomorrow but it is something that I need to start thinking about today. 

  

"Daddy said he hates you..."

"But he likes the cat." 

This and various versions of the above have been coming out of the mouth of my 5 year old for the past 2 days. 

 It usually starts with Scarlett saying:

"Mummy, do you like Daddy?"

To which I reply diplomatically:

"Yes of course I like him."

Scarlett:

"Well he doesn't like you, he likes the cat but he hates you." 

Firstly, he has not met the cat and secondly how dare he voice his opinions about me to our 5 year old daughter?! 

I have not spoken to Scarlett's Dad for nearly 2 years because of his bitter attitude towards me. 

Yes, I split up with him and I have asked to talk to him to try and resolve our issues but he doesn't want to, so I have left it but now, whether he likes it or not he will be seeing my face again very soon if he doesn't sort his attitude out. 

When Scarlett told me for the 5th time today that Daddy doesn't doesn't like me, I snapped and phoned Scarlett's Grandma, my ex's Mum. 

I tried to keep it light and I said maybe Scarlett says things about me when I'm not there but according to Scarlett's Grandma she doesn't say anything about me. At all. 

I told her what Scarlett had been saying to me and she was shocked and said she would have a word with Scarlett's Dad but I'm not convinced she will. 

I don't want to have a confrontation and obviously I wouldn't do it when Scarlett was around but if this happens again I feel like I won't have a choice but to face him. 

He will not use my child to get to me. 

Oh and to top it off, Scarlett was off school on Wednesday and I wasn't told as she was at her Dads. 

Maybe I shouldn't moan about that as I don't know if I would have said anything if I had taken her out of school for being ill but I just feel like I'm constantly fighting and giving and getting nowhere. 

This single parenting malarkey is blooming hard and it's not like I can just give up and say 'sod it!' 

I will stand up for myself and my daughter to make sure she has the best life and every time I hear he hates me, I will tell Scarlett that I love him, as without him I wouldn't have her. 

We brought her into this world as a team, united and regardless of what has happened, we should still stick by each other when it comes to our child. 

Maybe I should tell him to start a blog and vent his anger on there?! 

Scarlett's blog 5.12.14

I misplaced my uniform today. Well, I say me but actually my Grandma did (I didnt know where she had put it) so I told Mummy when she had finished work that we had to go to school to find it. 

She stomped out of my school after a few seconds and said: 

'It was on your peg!'

Oh, whoopsie. 

Well she said she needs to exercise more so she shouldn't complain about walking for a bit, especially as we came home and I found an empty box of these....

I don't know if you are aware but there are 16 mini bars of chocolate in there. 

Now, I'm no mathematician but when I left them on Tuesday morning there were 12 and now there is none, so that = Mummy is a piglet. 

She groaned last weekend when she did about 10 lunges (she said she did 100, I only counted 10) so she needs some more exercise in her life which is why I have created a new game...

It's called stomp around as loud as I can and make Mummy chase after me. She is not keen on it but it gets her moving. 

Just call me Rosemary Conely (my Mummy used to do her DVD's, maybe I will get her to dig them out again so I can laugh at her.) 

Right, I best be off as I have a commotion to cause.

:) 

Xoxo 

Teachers pet

I was browsing the Mumsnet 'coffee shop' when I came across a thread about what to buy your child's teacher for a Christmas present...damn it, I hadn't even though about it! 

My child could have been the only one turning up on the last day of term without a gift, how ungrateful would we have looked? Or would we? 

Thinking about it, the rational part of me thinks:

'They are doing their job, why do I need to buy them a present? They don't buy me one for being a (fantastic) parent.'

The other soft part of me (which also houses the diet sabotaging devil) says: 

'You just HAVE to give the teacher a present, otherwise you are just MEAN.'

So, off to Google I went and found this on www.allpartythings.co.uk

It is different, special and undeniably thoughtful but then I thought...how can I beat that? 

Ah ha! By making something! 

So this weekend I am going to attempt to make cupcakes with Scarlett and make them presentable enough to give as an actual present. 

I have a couple of weeks left before the end of term to get them perfect and seeing as my diet hasn't started, I can eat the cakes that will not be up to scratch, bonous! (I'm estimating that will be about 100 cupcakes.) 

I am also going to get Scarlett to make and write her teachers card, which again may take a few tries to get right (I'm estimating a mini rainforest may be devestated for our card usage) but I will make sure it is perfect. 

My advice for teachers presents is to be creative and make your own presents but maybe have a bought present back up plan just in case. 

Doing a 2

There is one thing that really gets my goat and that is people who poo at work and in public places without any respect for anyone else. 

Firstly, of course I appreciate it is a natural bodily function and you have to go when you have to go but think of others when you do 'go.'

I don't mean when you are on the dunny think about everyone you have ever met but when you are done, crack a window and check you leave the bathroom clean and tidy, including the toilet bowl. 

From men it is expected but come on girls, you should know better. 

I'm so sick (literally) of coming face to face with someone else's unfinished business. 

Girls, come on now, SORT IT OUT!  

Things that get my goat...

While writing a previous blog post it got me thinking about things that get my goat, so while it's cold outside, I'm going to have a rant inside. 

Things that get my goat....

Sayings that I don't understand...e.g 'things that get my goat.'

People who don't say thank you...when you have blatently moved out of the way for them or hold open a door for them. (I do tend to say "You're welcome!" Rather loudly after them.) 

People who don't say please...Please come on, remember your manners.

People who don't pick up their own dogs poo...I actually stepped in some while starting this blog yesterday. 

Putting on weight...at work I have to wear 3/4 length trousers as I'm too fat for my actual trousers and the cold literally bites my ankles. 

Queuing...not in general but people that don't know how to queue for example where a sign says: 

'Please queue here'

And people queue at the opposite end to the sign. 

People walking behind me...I feel like I am being stalked so I will stop and let whoever is behind me pass before I carry on. It is getting increasingly difficult with the Christmas shoppers who literally charge everywhere. I'm going to be internet shopping this week because if those people. 

Blogs that bang on for no reason other than to moan...

Oh. 

Shopping @Lidl #lidlsurprises

I'm not a snob but when I decided to go and check out my local Lidl, I was filled with trepidation. 

 I don't know why but saying that I shop at Lidl is not a sentence I though I would ever use, even the advert on TV for Lidl has many people gawping in shock that they have been trying things from Lidl. 

My local store is 5 minutes away from me so I thought, if I can save a few pennies and still be able to afford a decent bottle of wine, then why not? 

Armed with my pink fluffy pen (I couldn't find a inconspicuous pen) I went to investigate further. 

To my delight, one of the first things I saw in the store was chocolate, not just any chocolate but chocolate for under 50p. I loved Lidl already. 

My eyes and nose were drawn across the store to find out where the smell of fresh bread was coming from, it was from an in store bakery! 

Things just keep getting better and better, even more so when I saw the medium size baguettes were only 19p.

The whole store was filled with #lidlsurprises 

The store also stocks well know name brands if you are wary of trying new things. 

I went through the store and wrote down a few prices for the food which I use most during the week to see how the prices compare with my usual weekly shop: 

6 large free range eggs 99p 

350g Mature Cheese £1.75 

Grapes £1.79 

Raspberries £1.69 

Hoops breakfast cereal £1.15 

Granola £1.79 

Golden syrup porridge packets x 8 99p Goodfellas pizza £1.50 

Cucumber 29p 

3 x peppers 89p 

Hovis medium sliced white bread 69p Organic carrots 79p 

Chocolate cake £1.75 

Chicken breasts x 4 £3.49 

Heinz baked beans x 4 cans £2.40 

Heinz tomato soup x 4 cans £2.00 Organic mince £1.75 

2 pints of milk 79p 

Bacon £1.29 

Chocolate cheesecake £2.99 (not essential but...actually it is essential.) Bottle of Australian cabernet sauvignon £4.09 (#lidlsurprises)

I came out of the shop (for some reason felt like I was in France inside, I thought I was on holiday for a moment!) skipping with glee and worked out I could probably get my weekly shopping budget down to £25.00 per week and as the shop is not the industrial size of Tesco or Morrisons, I didn't waste 2 hours of my time trying to find everything and I didn't get distracted by things which I didn't need. 

I saved time and money! I am now proud to say I am a Lidl customer and urge you to check out your local store to see what #lidlsurprises you can find. #lidllove

Jump, it's Christmas!

I will be honest, I'm not usually one for a Christmas jumper. I don't get the excitement about them but this year, I've put my Scrooge in my pocket (I'm not going to throw it away, everyone needs a bit of a Christmas grump) and found the best Christmas jumpers and you may just see me skipping down the high street in one...

www.newlook.com

Was £24.99 now £18.50

www.asos.com

£32.00

www.storetwentyone.co.uk

£9.99

www.matalan.co.uk

£14.00

www.peacocks.co.uk

£18.00

www.riverisland.com

£30.00

And get your man involved too...

www.newlook.com

Was £19.99 now £13.00

Head and bed

Headache + Bed = Goodnight. 

Pumping pregnancy

I was reading an article in today's Fabulous magazine called 'exercise caution?'

It is about women exercising during pregnancy but I'm not talking about a couple of lunges here and there, these women are taking on marathons and weightlifting a few weeks away from their due dates, one woman Sally Dixley was weightlifting 215lb (over 15 stone) two days before her due date! 

When I found out I was pregnant exercise was the last thing on my mind, however according to Babycentre, three quarters if women who have a healthy pregnancy do not do enough exercise. 

Dr Hiliary says:

'...every pregnancy is different, so the main thing is to listen to your body and try to reach a happy medium."

I would say my happy medium is a couple of lengths in a pool and a Mc Donald's after. 

If I do find myself pregnant again though, I will think about a fast walk around the park. Mind you I haven't got rid of my baby weight from 5 years ago, so I should probably start now. 

I did just sit at a table bench at the park and the otherside has lifted off the ground. Best start my fast walk away from the park now. 

Chop chop! 

Cosmo discussion

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Scarlett's blog 29.11.14

It's nearly Christmas which = presents, lots of presents! 

Grandma says it is about baby Jesus and gave me a figurine of Jesus and his Mum and Dad with a donkey on a beach with a palm tree. I hid it and now can't remember where I put it. Mummy said I had better find it before Grandma comes round on Monday, Oops. 

Mummy had me hunting around the park for sticks (and twigs) this afternoon as I had to find and count them for homework. Mummy said it's ridiculous but she was the one going into the bushes hunting for the 'perfect' stick/twig. 

On the way home I saw a pink car which was sooo cool! Mummy asked if I was going to drive her around when I'm older. I said I would drive her wherever she liked, she said: 

"Round the bend."

But I'm sure I can drive her a bit further than that. 

Xoxo

How long is it appropriate to stay at the park?

I'm sat freezing cold desperately wanting to leave the park. We have only been here about 15 minutes but I want to leave already. 

How long is it appropriate and fair to stay at the park? 

Till the time it takes to drink a coffee? 

When my child pushes another child off the swing as it's "my turn."

When you spot an ex with his child? 

After updating your Facebook status to 'At the park with my beautiful baby' to show you spend quality time with your child, yet no one knows you are walking out of the past as you post it? 

After 10 minutes when your fingers have turned blue? (as you have been using your phone...see above.) 

When you have tried to quietly bribe your child with sweets if they leave the park now? (But you know all of the other parents heard by the judging looks in their faces.) 

I'm going to try...

"Scarlett if we leave now, we can do your homework when we get home." 

Then I will be praised by the other parents for being a fabulous mother and they will congratulate me on my perfect child as we walk into the sunset. 

Ha yea right, I'm using the sweet bribe. 

What is the difference between a twig and a stick?

Scarlett's homework for the weekend is to find 20 twigs/sticks. 

If it isn't bad enough that my poor 5 year old has home work, or as they call it a 'home task' I now have to try and figure out what the difference between a twig and a stick is. 

What happens if we pick up just twigs? What happens if we just pick up sticks? What is the dictionary difference between the two? Will my child be judged by her classmates if we don't pick the perfect twigs/sticks? Am I thinking about this too much? 

I'm all for helping my child learn and she won't even realise what she is doing but come on, give the kids a break, homework at 5 years old?! 

Being the good parent that I am, I spent my afternoon rummaging around the park like a mad woman looking for the perfect stick/ twig and checking my pile battling between what is a twig and what is a stick. 

Scarlett was as useful as a stick as she was just shouting at me for leaving her scooter while she ran around the grass. 

As if life wasn't hard enough! 

Oh, they look so pathetic! I'm going to have to get some more tomorrow.

 

Me and my brother #adoption

My brother and I are still on strange footing. The ground is shaky and neither of us are too sure how to take each other in regards to jokes and each other's lives. 

We may be brother and sister (half) but trying to build an adult relationship having missed out on each others childhoods is proving tricky. 

I knew I was adopted from a young age and knew I had an older half brother who still lived with my birth mother but accepting that fact is a challenge in itself. 

When I was 18, thanks to the wonders of the internet, I found who I though was my brother on MySpace. I sent him a message saying my mum knows ur mum blah blah and after a couple of messages I admitted I thought he was my brother. 

He replied:

"Yes, you are my sister." 

That was about 3 years ago. We messaged each other for a while on and off, then last year we took the plunge and agreed to meet. 

I was very hungover as I was petrified and thought the best idea would be to get horrifically drunk the night before I met him. 

I got the train up to London on a hot, sticky summers day and met my brother at Victoria station. 

I recognised him instantly from his profile picture and recognised his voice from the drunken phone calls we had been playing tennis with at the weekends. 

He is a 'Proper Londoner' and laughed at my 'posh' accent as I had grown up down south, by the sea. 

We had a few drinks in a bar and in my hungover state shouted that I could see a green man (maybe I was still a little drunk.) 

We had a general chit chat about life and probably looked like we were on a date as we were so awkward. Awkward silences (hence the green man comment) awkward looks and awkward questions. 

As he lived with my birth mother we both knew I was going to ask about her and we tap danced around the conversation for a while, then with a sick feeling in my stomach I asked if I could see a picture of her. He said he didn't have one, I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed. 

We ended our first meeting as a had begun it, a little drunk but happy. 

A couple of months later I took my daughter with me to meet her Uncle. Again it was a little awkward but having a toddler nattering away helped fill the silences. 

After our second meeting, our goodbye was a sad painful one. My brother is in the RAF and was being posted to Afghanistan. He joked about sending an arm or a leg to me if they got blown off but reality hung heavy in the air around us. 

It could be our second and last ever meeting. 

He called me the night before he left and we talked for over an hour about everything and anything. When I put the phone down my heart weighed a tonne. 

Every day he was in Afghanistan I panicked. I watched the news and scoured the paper, petrified something had happened to him. He called and send letters and postcards when he could but though it sounds morbid, I worried I would not be told if anything did happen to him as no one knew we were in touch. Especially not my birth Mother. 

We decided it would be best for her not to know as we needed to build our relationship and to be honest, I didn't have anything to say to her. 

I wish her well but when I was about 13, me and my birth Mother sent a couple of letters to each other. Well, I sent 2 and she sent one. Her last letter was from social services and said she didn't feel like she had anything to say to me. I promptly shredded the letter and turned into a tearaway. 

Luckily, I have grown up now (sort of) but I have no desire to meet her at the moment. 

However back on shaky ground....My brother called me today and said I never answer his calls (he has called me twice in the last 6 months both times I was in the bath and said I would call him back. He said not to bother, so I didn't.) 

The trouble with our relationship is that we just don't know each other, we don't 'get' each other. I don't know when he is joking or understand the things that he does and he doesn't with me. 

Some say the hardest relationship we have is with our parents, mine is with my half brother. I just hope one day we 'get' each other. 

Wine key

Just read this in today's Sun newspaper...

I, as a white wine drinker am apparently a team player and generous. 

It is true, I am a team player and generous but if it's got anything to do with a bottle of white wine....it's mine, all mine! 

Katie Hopkins and the real world...

Has anyone else read Katie Hopkins' page in The Sun today...?

On the left she slates Kate Silverton for saying she thinks we should bring our children to work with us. 

Katie comments...

'How would this work for the rest of us in the real world?'

Ha Katie Hopkins living in the real world? Come on now, don't make me laugh.

No, I didn't finish reading her column, I was too busy laughing. 

As for Kate Silverton's comments on taking our children to work, well she is just as ridiculous. 

I do agree with Katie when she says Kate needs to take a peek into the 'real world' though I fear Katie's world looks incredibly different to the rest of 'us.' 

One foot in front of the other...

One smashed phone and one nearly smashed laptop and I am back. For some reason my mobile phone always bears the brunt of my anger and last week was no different. It is actually quite nice not having a phone, no one can get hold of me and it gives me time to think away from other peoples influence. I have come to the conclusion that friction in life is necessary. Friction causes fire, which in turn creates burning and a feeling of passion and life. I may be talking gibberish to you but I have felt emotions over the past week that I didn't even realise I had available to me. I'm not going to go into the in's and out's of it all. I got hurt, I cried, I grew, I accepted and I got over it. I am not a person who holds grudges in life, if an apology is said to me and I believe it, then who am I to drag out others mistakes? I have sure as hell made enough of my own mistakes and they say you should not throw stones if you live in a glass house. I don't ask people to understand the decisions that I make but to accept them (even if it is grudgingly.) So let's all move on.

#Starvethebitch

'If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.'

Roald Dahl 

Best foot forward

With the Christmas party season approaching, it means it is time for beautiful sparkly shoes to be worn...it's a rule! 

The hardest part is not buying them all. Best hope for a Christmas bonus! 

www.boohoo.com

£25.00

www.missguided.co.uk

Was £29.99 now £14.99

www.newlook.com

£22.99 

www.very.co.uk

£20.00

www.ikrush.com

Was £24.99 now £14.99

www.shoecloset.co.uk

£19.99

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! 

Let's get suspended.

Dressing up and feeling sexy doesn't mean you have to look like a page 3 model, all you need is a suspender belt.

The following are the crème de la crème of beautiful suspender belts to make you look and feel sexy. 

Let's get suspended...  

www.stockingshq.com

Roza Fifi Suspender Belt £22.99 

www.figleaves.com

Pour Moi? Spellbound Suspender £14.00

www.stockingsdirect.co.uk

Classified Lace Suspender brief £12.50

www.thebracloset.co.uk

Lapel Lara Suspender Belt £14.00

www.annsummers.com

Isis Waspie £20.00

Feeling pants

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Post baby sex

After having a baby, sex will probably be the last thing on your mind but for me it was one of the most daunting parts of life after a baby so after my experience, I have come up with some points to help you. 

There should be no rush to have sex again once you have had a baby. You need to feel relaxed and ready but when the time comes and YOU feel ready, take these points into consideration...

• Find yourself. 

Your body had just been through the most intense experience and you may think that things down there are not the same. Pelvic floor exercises will have been drilled into you from all sides (and you may remember to do them once a day, but it's not guaranteed. You have a newborn to think of first) but take the time to explore yourself again. 

When the thoughts if sex creep back in (which may be after 6 weeks or 6 months) run yourself a nice bath, light some candles and explore down there. 

Try tightening your pelvic floor muscles while touching yourself. Some women can orgasm alone from just squeezing their pelvic floor muscles but if you are not one of the lucky ones (who are they?!) try combining squeezing your muscles and stroking yourself. 

You may still feel tender and not ready but when you feel pleasure again it will make you more relaxed and less tense. 

• Slip into something a little less comfortable. 

No you may not like the sound of it but trust me you will feel better. Instead of laying there and 'getting it over with' put some effort in. 

Yes I know the last thing you want to do is have sex for the hour that the baby is actually asleep but don't think of it as a chore. Think of the reward you can get out of it and the bond between you and your partner when you can enjoy each other again as a couple and not as Mummy and Daddy.  

Get him to have the baby and get it to sleep while you get ready. Have a bath, shave, shave, shave, and when you get out, use that baby oil to moisturise all over. 

Put on the sexiest outfit you own and the ridiculously high stilettos at the back of your wardrobe (you won't be walking far) and spent some quality alone time just you and your man. 

Just be careful you don't wake the baby back up. 

• Use a Lubricant. 

And lots of it. The smoother and the sleeker, the better. 

• You don't HAVE to have sex. 

Try just using your hands and mouths. You can both still both enjoy the benefits and feel satisfied without full penetration. 

• Watch out for nips and slips. 

First time sex after a baby will definitely be a new experience. There will be leaky bits, wobbly bits and sloppy bits but just relax and remember you are an amazing woman. 

• Don't forget your man. This is a journey for both of you and sex is a part of your relationship which you should both enjoy and while he may need to learn to be more patient when it comes to sex, don't forget to make him feel loved too. 

Motherhood may seem like an impossible task at times but YOU can do it! You don't have to do all of the above, do what feels right for you and enjoy it! 

Sex dilemma...my advice

'I feel guilty pleasuring myself when my boyfriend is not around.'

It is natural to feel guilty but it is the best way to get to know your body. If you don't know what you like, how do you expect him to know? 

Don't let solo time take time away from your partner when you have satisfied yourself. 

If you find a new trick in the morning, introduce it to him in the evening.

You won't be the only one benefiting from  finding out more about yourself. 

It's ok to be selfish once in a while. 

#Starvethebitch

'Things turn out the best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.' 

John Wooden

Children's party guide

Children's party guide....

Going to a child's party is fun for the kids but can be daunting for the parents so I have made a simple guide to help you get through and not make the mistakes that I made today. 

• Figure out where you are going before hand. Don't bumble along the road blindly trying to figure out where you are going. I looked like a little lost lamb today  trying to find a leisure centre hidden down a street I had never heard of before with Scarlett moaning: 

"Walking is boring!" 

• Figure out your introduction and figure out the child and parent of the party you are attending as soon as you can if you don't know. I walked into the party today and announced: 

"This is Scarlett." 

To which the birthday boys mother said:

"I know." 

A better introduction would have been:

"Hello, I'm Becky, Scarlett's mum, where is the birthday boy?" 

• Be organised (unlike me.) 45 minutes before the party began I was scrambling around Mortisons supermarket trying to find a present and a card, then I had to get Scarlett to sign the card as soon as I had paid for it...

Sorry about the blurred face, I was in a rush! 

• As above don't stick a fiver in a card if you can't find a suitable present. Buy something and if you don't have time to wrap it, pop it in a gift bag. When Scarlett handed over her card and no wrapped present, we looked a bit stingy. I wanted to say:

"There is money in it, I promise!" 

• Try and keep an eye on your child throughout and apologise to the party boy/girl when your child elbows them in the face. (This may only apply to my child. I was an accident, I think. I'm sure it wasn't because Scarlett wanted the presents.) 

• Try not to laugh when your child throws things at the entertainer. Poor Spider-Man had balls thrown at him and at his own special balls. It was funny though, it physically hurt holding my laughter in. Maybe not as much as Spider-Man hurt though.  

• Try not to look too bored and interact with other parents. I'm blogging as a parent is sitting next to me. (Must follow my own advice and get chatting!)

• Don't eat all of the children's buffett, sausage rolls are lovely but if you eat 7, you will be judged by the other parents. 

And finally...

• When the party is over and your child is fast asleep after a busy afternoon of screaming, run a long hot bath and relax. You have made it through another party! 

Cosmo dilemma this month...my advice

'Too shy to initiate sex.'

My advice to this dilemma....

Relax.  

When you are laying in bed at night, spoon him. Let you fingers explore his body. Start by gently stroking his arms, chest and lower torso. 

Kiss the back of his neck and concentrate on nothing other than your breathing and being in the moment. 

Move your hand down further and let the good times roll. 

Overeaters Anonymous

I was reading my magazine earlier when I turned to the help page and read this....

Sorry, it's wet as I was in the bath but I was shocked to read the advice was:

'If you can't cut back on your own Overeaters Anonymous (oagb.org.uk) can offer great psychological support to break bad diet habits.' 

I laughed that the advice was to go to Overeaters Anonymous and then I started thinking about my own eating habits. 

I started a new diet yesterday, I did 100 squats, 100 lunges, 100 sit ups and a 10 minute tummy tone DVD. I was so proud and determined to carry it on until Christmas so then I didn't have to worry about stuffing my face on Christmas Day (I say worry but it would be a fleeting thought while I reach for the Quality Street.) 

Anyway, today I walked to work (don't all cheer at once, it's 5 minutes from my flat) and I dodged the chocolates that were offered this morning and I only ate the first chocolate from my advent calendar on my desk. Willpower. 

After my lunch of fruit and not much else, I went back to work and hid my advent calendar under my desk as it was staring at me. An hour later it was screaming at me to eat more, so grudgingly I ate the Mars bar behind door number 24. Then I ate the chocolate from door number 2.

I stopped and flipped the calendar over and worked out I would consume over 600 calories if I ate all of it, so I kicked it back under my desk (to finish tomorrow.)  

I had beans on toast for dinner and then gave Scarlett a small kinder bar as she ate all of her dinner. Well, I ate all of my dinner so I are a kinder bar too. Oh no, I mean two, I ate two as they are so small. 

There are now 6 wrappers in front of me, a box of empty jelly babies and a half eaten packet of Drumstick chewy sweets.

Suddenly, the Overeaters Anonymous website looks appealing... 

The first thing that strikes me on their website is that the paper people logo has people on it that are too thin for an overeaters group but they are colourful. 

There are 12 steps, which is 11 too many for me. 

I clicked on the bit relevant to me:

'Do I have a problem with food?'

Hmm, not really food but chocolate, I have a problem with chocolate as it tends to fall into my mouth and stick to my tummy and thighs creating wobbly bits. 

There are 15 questions to determine if I have a problem with food. I answer no to the majority but number 13 asks: 

'Are there certain foods you can't stop eating after the first bite?'

Erm, yes. 

I don't think I am on the journey to a 'compulsive overeating problem' chocolate and women tends to go hand in hand but the questions are definitely interesting. 

I have put down the remaining 10 bars (they are mini) of Kinder chocolate and will put them at the back of the cupboard but if they creep back out later on, I may just have to look at the steps to recovery.

Are you an overeater? Log onto:

www.oagb.org.uk

 

 

Can I give my child's presents away?

Pants....that's how I feel....pants. 

One good thing about not doing a lot today means...it's blogging day! 

Well, almost nothing. Scarlett has a party this afternoon which is about half an hours walk away. I don't want Scarlett to miss it, so I am determined to go but it my head doesn't stop banging and this cough doesn't let up then we won't be going. Not that Scarlett is helping. 

I'm trying to relax in the bath for ten minutes to get rid of my headache but Scarlett has turned up the TV to full volume and just came in, went for a wee and slammed the toilet seat down. 

Oh and then she saw I had put my yoghurt pot in the sink which I had just eaten and she said: 

"You have to put your yoghurt pot in the bin."

Me: "I will in a minute when I am out of the bath. Or could you do it for me please?"

Scarlett: "No. You have to do it on up your own."

She slammed the door and managed somehow to turn the TV up even more. 

Ten minutes, that's all I want! 

Best go and buy a present for the party this afternoon, shame I can't give him one of Scarlett's presents from last week. Don't think he would like a pink dress though. 

Just kidding obviously I would never give my child's presents away as other children's presents...

Got to go Scarlett needs to use the toilet again. Great. 

 The picture is just to embarrass her a bit more. 

#Starvethebitch #Day3

Whoever is happy, will make others happy too. 

Anne Frank. 

#Starvethebitch #Day2

If someone annoys you, don't bitch, laugh...

#Starvethebitch #Day1

Official day 1 of #Starvethebitch

Today's bitch starvation diet quote is: 

'We don't have to be defined by the things we did or didn't doing our past. Some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret. Maybe it's a regret, maybe it's not. It's merely something that happened. Get over it.'

Pittacus Lore

#Sober365 #Day? #Hour?

I am not doing very well with this not drinking malarkey. 

I think I am starting it at the wrong time of year, I'm not strong enough. 

I thought I could do it but I don't think the time is right. 

It's not you alcohol, it's me. 

I'm upset and I need chocolate. Where are those chocolate liquors? 

#Fail

#MaybeJanuary? 

 

#Starvethebitch

I am a bitch. I'm a woman, it happens. We all bitch, don't pretend you are innocent. 

After hearing people bitching constantly today and me bitching myself I have decided to start a revolution:

#Starvethebitch 

Instead of getting up and bitching before the day has barely started, we should get up and challenge ourselves to starve our inner bitch and start the day as we mean to go on with a PMA (not PMS.) 

Positive

Mental

Attitude

Let's stop moaning and groaning each day and be more grateful. 

At the start of each day I am going to post a positive quote and each time the bitch in me wants to come out I am going to starve her and repeat the quote until my bitch has subsided. 

I challenge you to do it too.  

There is a few hours left of today so I am starving my inner bitch from now. 

"If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want."

Zig Ziglar. 

#Starvethebitch 

#Day1 

 

Struggling to find my Christmas Cheer.

"Holidays are coming, the holidays are coming..."

I saw the Coca Cola advert on TV for the first time today, the John Lewis advert has been released and that can only mean one thing....IT'S NEARLY CHRISTMAS!!!! 

I'm not one to usually get excited about Christmas (bah humbug) but I did feel I tiny twinge of Christmas spirit before shouting at the TV:

"It's too early!" 

We are in the 2nd week of November, the pumpkins from Halloween have barely been put in the bin and already there is tinsel being shoved in my face when I do my food shopping (oh, I didn't mean to moan but I've started so I will finish.) 

Christmas seems to creep into the shops earlier and earlier every year and I don't know about you but by the time Christmas Day arrives, I'm already Christmas-ed out. 

When I was growing up the first deck to be put up in the house was a few days before Christmas (and disappeared as quickly as they were put up.) 

I overheard someone say today that she had done all of her Christmas shopping, written all of her Christmas cards and her decorations are going up this weekend. 

REALLY?! 

Maybe it's because my parents never really seemed that enthused about Christmas as I got older but I can't help thinking that people need to calm down about Christmas. 

Maybe I am a stone, emotionless and a proper 21st century Scrouge, I didn't even bother writing Christmas cards last year and 2 years ago I had a half thrown together Christmas tree which stayed in my living room until late January (that's a bit of Christmas cheer right? Keeping it up that long? Oh laziness, is that what I can hear you saying?) 

Maybe this year I should try and embrace Christmas a bit more. Of course I will be putting out a carrot for Rudolph and one for Santa (he is getting a bit chunky so don't want to encourage his overeating) for Scarlett's sake but even saying that I am struggling to find my Christmas cheer.

I think I need to make an early resolution and see the positives about Christmas and try and embrace it with a warm woolly hug. 

Here goes....

I love Christmas because....

• It's a day about love and Family 

• it's a time to dust off board games and have a laugh while drinking a cheap bottle of red wine that I will probably buy my Dad. 

•It's a day about food, I LOVE food and those delicious pigs in blankets which for some reason only make an appearance at Christmas. 

•It is almost like a 'national sprout day!' Everyone embraces sprouts at Christmas.  

•Mince pies, mmmm. Mince pies. 

•I always have smoked salmon and Buck's Fizz in the morning. (Yes another point about food.) 

Do you know what? I feel better already, I'm going to dig out my box of Christmas cards and get cracking on them. 

"The holidays are coming!" 

I'm all cheered up.