50 shames of Earl Grey

I have a gazillion things to do!!! 

I have Scarlett back again after not having her for 2 nights (I'm not going to lie it was lovely) but I did not use my time wisely while she was away to get things done. 

I went out for dinner one night and went to the pub the other but at least I'm supporting local businesses! 

But I needed to....

Book my driving test (my instructor is going to have a go at me now tomorrow...oops.)

Sign up for volunteering at the homeless charity.

Book my holiday in September. Child free thank you - insert bad mother comments here.... 

Sort out the paperwork for Scarlett's school dinners and other various bits of time consuming paperwork.

Google how to control my child. 

Sort all of my contacts and apps out after dropping my phone down the toilet.

Look for a car. Not that I will be able to park it in MY designated parking space as someone has parked in it! Can't wait for them to see the note I've left. Mind you it will probably not get read like the parking ticket which is next to it.

But What chance have I got of doing the above now when I found this in the library?! 

Well there is always tomorrow, or maybe I will hire a PA....and a tow truck. 

Donk of the day....

Had a lovely lazy day today, had a bath this morning and found out it is best to ensure the plug is in properly to ensure it fills up correctly (it only took me ten minutes of sitting in the bath thinking...I swear the water is not going up.)

Then I dropped my phone down the toilet. 

Yes I did. Tip of the day don't put your phone in your back pocket and pull your trousers down. Thank god the toilet was clean, though I did stand looking at my sunken phone for a few seconds as I was debating putting my hand in the toilet. 

I'm so glad I have an iPhone the the cloud stored all of my photos so I have them on my new phone, also so glad I got insurance for the first time ever! 

On Scarlett news.....misbehaving as usual with an answer for everything. I know I shouldn't laugh but she comes out with comedy gold like earlier when I told her to do as she was told and she just looked at me and said 

"Rude."

I think it's time to google how to discipline my child, or myself. 

Grey baby in my tummy!

Walking to nursery with Scarlett this morning....

Scarlett: 'have you got a baby in your tummy?' 

Me: 'What?! No I haven't!'

Scarlett: 'Oh.' 

Think if she knew the word awkward, she would have said it.

Think I need to lay off the chocolate cake, but I'm booking my holiday tomorrow maybe that might spur me on to shake my ass more, I say as I am laying in bed ready to sleep at 9.45pm.

It's the blooming heat though, it make even just breathing exhausting.  

However I was hoping the 'highly anticipated' 50 shades of grey trailer would get me a bit hot under the collar but it fell a bit flat, or soft should I say. 

The main leads are nowhere near attractive enough. I'm not saying I'm some sort of goddess, but for arole which entails being dark and menacing he's just dull. A bit grey but defiantly not 50 shades. 

Obviously I will be going to the cinema to watch the actual film, just to ensure it is as disappointing as I think it's going to be. (Obviously....) 

I did it!!!!

I did it, I blooming did it! I passed my theory test, literally can't believe it, I'm so elated and happy!!! 

Also found my dream car, a nice lil convertible which I can cruise around town in. Just me and Scarlett with the roof down rocking to summer tunes.

Not that I will be actually able to afford to take my test.... £62.00!!! What a cheek! £62.00 for an hour?! The examiner better be good....that's all I'm saying. 

Will have to watch out I don't eat too much more else I will be cruising around on two side wheels. This bad boy made its way into my fridge, then into the oven, burnt a bit, into the bin and repeated until half the cake was in the bin. 

Just saving on the calories, it's genius I tell you!! 

Too many questions!

Why are there nearly 1,000 questions in this theory book for a test which is only going to ask 50?

Why do I have to know what to do with a red triangle in the back of a car I don't own yet? 

Why do I have to know what a catalytic convertor is?

Can someone tell me what the above is?

Why have I read 6 chapters of this book and remember nothing? 

Why am I blogging when I should be revising? 

Where is my provisional licence? 

Why is there a cat on my back? 

Where is my bed? 

X

Too many questions!

Why are there nearly 1,000 questions in this theory book for a test which is only going to ask 50?

Why do I have to know what to do with a red triangle in the back of a car I don't own yet? 

Why do I have to know what a catalytic convertor is?

Can someone tell me what the above is?

Why have I read 6 chapters of this book and remember nothing? 

Why am I blogging when I should be revising? 

Where is my provisional licence? 

Why is there a cat on my back? 

Where is my bed? 

X

'I don't like the dragon ride!'

'Can we go on it again?!'

After promising Scarlett yesterday we could go on the dragon ride at the fair, we gleefully went this morning after our Maccy d's breakfast (and after I had spent an hour shopping for new sunglasses as I had left mine at home. Why is sunglass shopping so difficult?!)

So we went on the ride which is like a baby rollacoaster and after the first time we went round it went round again with Scarlett crying she didn't like it, I said not to worry as it will stop in a second. 3 laps of the rollacoaster later we finally came to a stop. 

Then she said 

'I don't like the dragon ride.....can we go on it again?!'

At £5.00 for the both of us.....no. 

Why are rides so expensive these days? When I was a kid I swear I went to the funfair with a tenna and still came back with change. 

What's it going to be like in ten years time? Parents will be having to give their kids £50 pocket money for a night at the fair and a burger. If they are really lucky maybe some candy floss, after enquiring about how much a pathetic looking bag cost today £2.50!!!!) probably not. 

I told the woman I didn't have enough change, I really didn't but the guy next to me looked at me like 'ah playing that trick are you?!' 

Bet he wished he had when he was handed back tuppence from his £20 note for a hot dog and a couple of dummy sweets and a bit candyfloss. Mind you he did have 2 kids, thank god I've only got one! 

X

 

Today

Was bloody hot And tomorrow is going to be even hotter, excellent can't wait for the weekend.... Oh shocker, it's going to rain. 

Scarlett has now started to say she feels sick or something hurts to get attention. 

This morning she had a bad foot so she couldn't walk to nursery. Earlier she felt sick so couldn't eat her dinner, tomorrow she will probably have hurt her arm so she can't feed herself. 

Such a drama queen, I try not to let her win but picking her up and doing things for her is just so much quicker! 

Tomorrow I must be more firm!! 

Hmm really?! 

Good intentions

Brought driving theory books into work to go to library and study l, where did I end up....outside the pub with a glass of wine reading driving theory book. 

In my defence it's the library's fault for not having tables and chairs outside... And wine. 

I am going to make a suggestion to them though about putting chairs and tables outside, if may encourage people to go more. Plus there is a pub next door to nip to and back (obviously.) 

Bugger just realised forgot to drop Bridget back to the library, another fine for me! 

Greatest achievements of the day....cutting my finger on a spoon and stubbing baby toe and now the nail is coming off. 

Ah, this thing called life is exhausting.

Night! X

Oh Bridget :(

I'm disappointed by my Bridget Jones. I've read the reviews at the beginning of the book and am wondering what book they are actually reading. 

The best bit Bridget Jones was the love triangle between her, Mark and Daniel. Now Mark has been killed off and Daniel seems just like a sad pervy old man. 

The young singles have grown into old singles and it's all just rather dull. With kids and a toy boy lover  at the heart of the story. I have nothing against the kids but Bridget as a cougar, it doesn't sit right. 

Tuesday 15th July 2014

11pm

Time spent thinking about stopping reading Bridget jones diary 30. 

Time spent thinking I need to sort my life out 2 hours.

Time spent looking at my theory test book 0.

Time spent on Facebook 2 hours but in my defence I am trying to sell my beautiful wedding dress which I never got to wear. 

Time spent hitting the letter A on my laptop, 3 hours. I need to join the real world and get a tablet. 

Time spent in the library looking a book other than Bridget Jones, 20 minutes. Below is what I actually looked at in the library. 

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh 

Really?! Well I will leave you pondering. 

Night x

Toad on a molehill

I have no idea what has got into my child recently, she is so cheeky and so naughty at the moment. 

Got her to go on the naughty step outside and she just sat there laughing for 5 minutes. Got her to go to the end of the garden and face the wall, 2 seconds later she's talking to the birds and to top it all off....while I'm trying to enjoy my bath (at 9.30 pm when she's been in bed for 2 hours) she announces she needs a poo.

Oh that's not the worst part, it's not just a poo it's an explosion. She gets it on the floor all round the toilet and down her legs, guess where she ended up.... In my bath!

I'm Trying to cut down on smoking but she's not helping, so now I'm going outside in a towel to take in some nicotine. 

Then I'm going to watch deadly wives which is much as it sounds, about wives murdering their husbands. It's a good job I don't have one right now.

Scarlett has come out with a couple of corkers today though:

"do you want another sweet mummy?"

"No thanks my tummy hurts."

"You should stop drinking wine mummy."

And when she was pooing while I was in the bath (before she stole it)

Me: " you're so annoying!" 

Scarlett: "I'm not annoying! Oh ok I am annoying." 

Not been my day today. Tried to cook toad in the hole and I put too much batter mix in so it was like a blooming mountain and tasted like dry cardboard. Should stick to the ready meals I think, although I am not great with them either and the plastic always seems to melt.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day!

Crash

I had an amazing driving lesson today, though must start reading those theory test books as it is in less than two weeks now ahhhhhhhhhh! 

Bridget Jones will be taking up the next week of my life though, I've got her on a 7 day loan. I feel like I'm in a marathon race to get it read, obviously i needed fuelling along the way.

Que garlic bread, pasta dripping in fatty white sauce with bacon and jam cake for dessert....oops. I feel guilty sooo guilty (pause for swig of wine.) 

Scarlett had a mini melt down when I went for my driving lesson earlier, she's been really clingy since she got back from her dad's. 

Last night she didn't go to sleep until after 11pm! Obviously she was cream cracker knackered today but she can't play up when she's at school. Reality is going to bite. 

So diet failed, I am once again in my favourite place surrounded by bubbles reading Bridget and thinking philisophical preparing another new me diet... Ah damn the wine has all gone.... X

This is a picture of a book I have never read, probably never will but it has a nice cover.

McKenna or lemon?

So this diet is going well I'm on day 2! Wahey! I even did 20 minutes of ab exercises last night and today AND walked for an hour. I'm a fitness queen!! 

I have also started taking the obligatory fat whole body selfie but don't worry I won't be posting that on here, I wouldn't want to crack your screens!

 

I went to the library after work to try and keep the enthusiasm for a bikini body up and also because I refuse to pay nearly a fiver for a fitness magazine.

I rattled my choices down to three books...there was an unrealistic bikini body in two weeks diet...ha yea right I didn't get past the ridiculous tagline and even make it to the contents page before that went back on the shelf.

Next was the lemon diet, nope too boring, then bing-a-ling!! Paul McKenna May just become my best friend. If he can convince me to hate chocolate, I will be a skinny Minnie oh and wine. Hmm not utterly convinced but I have the book for 3 weeks so will give it a bash. 

That is if I don't get distracted, I found the new Bridget Jones book on the way out and also I have finally booked my theory test so need to revise for that.

Oh and I also got distracted from the fitness books as there was a naughty section next to it....see below.

As usual so many things to do and so little time! 

Right off to sort Scarlett out who is still making a fuss at twenty to ten on a school night, ahh tomorrow morning is going to be fun! X

Bikini ready :/

I can see my cheekbones already!!! My jeans feel looser, my bum has a lil less wiggle but my stomach thinks my throat has been cut. I hate diets and I've only been on this one for 12 hours.

It's obviously not meant to be, the gym instructor cancelled her class tonight for bokwa so now I'm lazing in the bath. 

I wouldn't usually care but I just got a rather tasty rebate so the only thing to do is to book a holiday, sun, sea and sex on the beach - the cocktail I mean....obviously. 

Shame Scarlett can't come though as I'm going in September and she will be in school! 

I bought her uniform earlier, how on earth is my little angel going off to school? I know every parent thinks it but it is so surreal. 

It will be even weirder when I don't see her Tuesday morning until Friday evening as her Dad is having her. 

I'm quite emotional about it all, her growing up, not being around all the time. I know it's for the best but the selfish part of me wants to scream 'she's all mine and I don't want her growing up!'

My heart broke the other day when she came back from nursery and told me the boy she likes wouldn't play with her. I asked what she said after he said that and she said 

'I said I thought you were my best friend?'

She's so innocent bless her. Probably wasn't the best thing to say to her boys are all stinky you don't want a boyfriend anyway as she proceeded to tell her Grandma when I wasn't around. 

Oops maybe I need to grow up :/ 

I'm off to hunt for some sweets... Night! X