Should I buy a Father's Day present?

Father's Day is approaching and this year I'm wondering if I should buy a gift for Scarlett's Dad on her behalf. 

It's not because I think he is actually the worlds greatest Father, he even 'forgot' to pick our daughter up yesterday (http://sym-ple1.blogspot.com/2015/06/you-got-scarlett.html) but, is it the adult thing to do even though we haven't been together for 3 years? 

I'd never thought about getting a Father's Day present for him before as my parents buy me Mother's Day from Scarlett, so I presumed that his Mum would do the same for him. 

However, much to my shock and amazement, Scarlett handed me a box of truffles on Mother's Day this year and said she had bought them with Daddy (I checked for anything potentially gross hiding in them, but I'm still alive, so it's all good). 

So, do I have to return the gesture and buy him a pair of socks with 'Best Daddy' stitched on them from Poundland?

If it was an olive branch he was extending by buying the chocolates, then I am still in the dark holding the dead remains of it, but I'm pretty certain Scarlett pestered him so much to get me something that he relented and put his hand in his very deep pocket.  

He is just very confusing to me, I don't understand him and I don't want anything that I give to him (from Scarlett) to fracture our relationship even more. 

I'm sure if I did buy him something, regardless of if Scarlett gave it to him, that it would end up in the bin, or in my face. 

I'm just constantly banging my head against a brick wall and I'm running out of ideas. Maybe I will return the favor and buy him a box of chocolates, then when they are thrown back at me at least I won't waste them. 

Am I still a young mum?!

I read a blog a couple of days ago about young Mums being judged...http://leahandtwo.co.uk/young-parent-judgements/  

I thought, yeah girl I'm with you, I bet everyone stares at me and thinks 'she was a teenage mother' but I reality I think I have just realised that no one actually thinks that anymore. 

Sure I WAS a 'young Mum' pregnant at 19 and spog out by the time I was 20, but now I'm 26 and I don't know if I can be classed as a 'young Mum' anymore? (The 'yummy Mummy' tag line is not being called into this debate as I need to stroke my ego a little bit.) Am I now just a 'regular Mum'? 

I am knocking on 30 and although I like to think I am still a teenager (and act like it while wearing mini dresses) I think I need to face the fact that I am not 'young' anymore. 

When I see giggling schoolgirls I look at them and think aww bless them, that was me a couple of years ago, NO, not a couple of years ago, 10 fricking years ago! 

I feel like I am stuck in a time warp and my brain can't comprehend that I am not 20 anymore (not that I want to be, as I had a screaming child by then) but as I missed out on my 'young' years by getting knocked up, it's like my brain just stopped and said: 

'Now you are forever young.' 

I'm Peter Pan! 

I don't want to grow up :( I don't want to take responsibility for my own actions, I'm too young! 

I'm going to be that cool Mum, the one the boys fancy and the girls want to be best mates with (not the Mum from 'Mean girls' who tries too hard) I'm going to be hip, right? (By hip hopefully I won't pop a hip at the school disco when I help out.) 

Please, someone tell me I'm still a young Mum! 

Am I the big bad wolf...

Scarlett's favourite story at the moment is The Three Little pigs as they have been reading it at school. 

Scarlett tells me her version at night before she goes to sleep, which is a bit mashed but I get the gist and in the end, the wolf runs off after getting his bum burnt. 

 

At the library I found an Usborne first reading book of The Three Little Pigs, excellent, I thought, bedtime reading sorted. 

It was all going swimmingly until the end...

...

Scarlett: 'Is the wolf dead?' 

Me: (panicked face) 'Umm, no he jumped out and ran off.' 

Is it just me that thinks this is a bit much? I don't want to have to explain that he is dead because that opens up a whole box of questions that she is too young to comprehend (she is 5). 

There seem to be lots of variations of this book but I don't remember the wolf dying  in the version I read as a child. I must have read a 'nicer' version of the story but it got me thinking...am I actually the big bad wolf for shielding my child from the truth? 

More than ever we are bombarded with the horrors of the world. News is instant thanks to social media and the internet, children only have to tap a screen and a whole world of information is at their fingertips, so why did I lie about the ending of a story book? 

I wouldn't say I wrap my child up in cotton wool, but should we be teaching our children to understand that not very nice things happen in the world from a young age and not protect them from the big bad wolf, or should we let them be ignorant and carry on chasing each other in the playground blissfully until high school when real life suddenly kicks in? 

Back in the day these stories/fables were written to teach children about bad things, but are we in an age now where we are protecting them from children's stories and harming them in later life? 

What ending should be big bad wolf have? Should I man up and tell her he dies because he is bad? Should I just buy a 'nicer' version of the book and cut out the worry? What age should we teach our children to take notice of the world around them and the horrible parts of it?

Questions, questions, questions and only one answer...I've decided that I'm going to the bookshop tomorrow to hunt for another version, so judge away...

Signed:

The Big Bad Wolf. 

P.s. Tomorrow's discussion will be about the book 'Little Red Riding Hood' I have a feeling it has a familiar ending...

POF off...

I literally cannot take the desperadoes on Plenty of Fish anymore...

I had to chop out the number and skype ID so that's why the message is in bits but...

Seriously?! What the actual hell? I thought for a fleeting moment it was from these twins that a knew a while ago but I don't think even they are that sleazy. 

What do they think I'm going to say? Oh yes please!!!! Take me out and you can tag team me! 

My boobs are not even out in my profile picture and someone said I have a creepy face the other day, so who knows what they want with me but I am so sick of this rubbish so I am POF-fing off. 

I have deleted the app and all of the crap and I am going to focus on me. 

When my relationship ended 11 weeks ago, I needed an ego boost. Though I ended the relationship, I needed to be wanted by someone...anyone, but now I want to be by myself. 

I have talked to so called pilots, to mummy's boys that still live at home, to 'Christian Grey' and I don't want any of them. 

Being single is awesome, I can do what I want, when I want, with whoever I want. I don't have to answer to anyone or have dirty pants trailing to my bedroom. 

I can starfish in bed, eat pizza every night and cover myself in coconut oil and vinegar if I please. I can watch my horror shows until 2am and sleep until 12pm. I don't have to make morning coffee for anyone or buy things for someone that doesn't deserve them. 

I can spend 3 hours in the library and breathe clean air by myself that is not tainted by a guy. 

I am not anti-relationships and if it happens, it happens but I'm just going to stop worrying about it. 

If I die alone and a cat chews my dead face, then so be it. At least I have been me and not stuck in a relationship just 'because.' 

I'm POF-fing off, should you? 

Why I am P-ing all over the place...

Move off the road as I am now officially on it! 

Last Thursday after thinking I had failed after reversing around a corner (long story) we got back to the driving learning base and I was handed a blue certificate that I will cherish forever. 

It's only taken me a year and a half, probably over £1,000 and a bit of my dignity when I failed the first time but fear not (or fear do) I am driving! 

I am also P-ing...

Sorry, wrong image...

In some countries having P plates is compulsory but in England you P voluntary. 

Probationary plates are to warn other drivers that you have just passed and that they should allow more time and space for the P-ing driver and I think they should be made compulsory in England. 

Though having P plates on your car is not 'cool' and I found myself wanting to rip them off after a couple of hours, they are beneficial. 

Warning other drivers and pedestrians with P plates says that although you can drive, you don't have much experience, which should make people think twice before running into the road or cutting you up.    

I think the best reason in having P plates is so other people stay away from me. Sure, I still found some jerks pulling out in front of me but on the whole people are wary and stay clear, which allowed me to get from A to B without being honked (though I did want to honk other people, I like honking.) 

The majority of the time I will be driving with Scarlett in the car, so I want to make sure that we are as safe as possible. Having my Plates and 'little person on board' sign make me think that I have done what I can to keep us and everyone around us safe. 

I am going to P for about a month, if I think I need a little longer with them on, then they will stay on but if I feel comfortable, I will gladly loose my P plates. 

So when you think I am sad for having P's on my car, look at how far you are behind me...at least double what you would be for a non P'd car and that's just where I want you. Away from me. 

Do you think P-ing should be compulsory? 

It is time to take the blame...open letter.

I've been thinking a lot, ok, too much about Scarlett's Dad and his new relationship. 

I'm seeing things in a new light and desperately want to move forward in a positive way with him for Scarlett's sake, but in order to do that, I have to man up and take the blame. 

I've been trying to come up with a way to say what I need to, but with him not wanting to see me I am going to write an open letter. 

Maybe once everything is laid bare, the hate will dwindle and we can be what we need to be for Scarlett...

Dear T, 

It will be 3 years in August since we were together as a family, that seemed so crazy that I had to check and reel back through memories to get back to the day that I broke us.  

I took our family away from you not once but twice. We were so young when I found out I was pregnant, me 19 and you 20. Who on earth can build a family being that young when we were so undiscovered in ourselves and our relationship? 

But 9 months later Scarlett was born, the first few months were far from smooth as a baby's bottom, but we muddled through until I didn't want to muddle anymore. 

 

I thought it was best to break, you didn't agree. 

Those months after were hell, constant arguing and digs at each other but we tried to put on a brave face for Scarlett. 

As strained as we were, we fell back together. I don't believe it was love, it was because it was easier than arguing that we became a family again. The 3 of us. 

A few months later we were still in denial, I stumbled. 3 became a messy 4. 

If I'm to believe the rumours from your side it was 4 became 5, possibly 6 but that's not an excuse - though I will stick by the mantra that everything happens for a reason. 

I'm not proud that my wedding dress has hung in my parents house for 3 years without even being tried on, or that I still can't listen to the songs that were going to be in our wedding, but 

remember that 5 weeks notice was better than 5 minutes. 

Of course all of the above is through my eyes and I know that when I asked you to leave you must have been in shock but don't you think it's about time that we learnt how to be adults? 

I'm sorry if you think I am the worst person in the world, I am sorry that I hurt you but I am not sorry for being Scarlett's Mother and bringing her into this world with you. 

I want us to share her happiest moments together, and for us all to be there for her saddest ones. Just because we are not together, it doesn't mean that we can't still be a family. We may be broken on paper but we don't have to be in life. 

There- I have laid it out, I'm bare, throw me your blows then let's move forward together. 

B. 

That's all I have. 

5 basic and easy dating tips for men...

I am so sick of men thinking that they are the big I AM. 

Plenty of Fish and Worthing town centre blokes need to be taught a thing, or five. 

There are only 5 tips that are pretty simple to remember, so listen up boys (you are not men) or risk being single forever...

1. If a someone doesn't reply to your message (text, online dating, Facebook etc) try 1 more time. If you don't get a response, move on and leave the girl alone. She's just not that into you, she also doesn't want to read your shitty 'you're ugly anyway and look like a slag' messages either. Get your big boy balls on and try with someone else while keeping your dignity intact. 

2. Don't 'accidentally' send a dick pic. It's not an accident, we're not impressed and will probably laugh at it with our friends once we have blocked you. 

3. Pick up a dictionary. Not being able to spell is unacceptable, smart phones are smart for a reason (much smarter than you.) Use the spell check, especially if you have a profile. If you can't spell a 4 letter word, you should be made to go back to school. 

4. Don't lie. If you say you like long walks along the beach but you actually don't, we don't care. You don't have to like everything we do or pretend that you are someone you are not. You will get found out, be honest and introduce us to something new. 

5. Don't start messaging us over a period of 5 days then suddenly stop. If you are not interested after a while then just say you are not feeling it, again, honesty is the best policy. We won't go all psycho bitch on you (but maybe message in the morning and say you are not interested before we have a chance to reach for the wine!) 

So easy and effective, start following these tips and you may get to see some nice girls that actually want to talk to you. 

The above paragraph sounds a bit suggestive, but as it's aimed at men, I'll leave it as it is. 

The other woman...

There seems to be another woman who is in my life that I don't know anything about. 

Scarlett: 'I had dinner with daddy's girlfriend.' 

Me: 'What?!' 

I won't use her real name, so I'll call her Fanny for now. Ok, that's childish, Jane she can be plain old Jane. 

Scarlett: 'I went in Jane's car. I went out with Daddy and Jane. Jane this, Jane that. I really like Jane.'

Well I don't. 

I know have no right to be annoyed, after 3 years he has finally found someone who will put up with him. I guess I just never thought that would happen. 

Sorry, that's rude but it's really getting my goat hearing about this other woman as it's getting more frequent. 

Scarlett did a sponsored walk and Jane's name is the first one on there - that pissed me off. It pissed me off most because I had forgotten about the bloody walk and hadn't sponsored my own child and she had. (£2.50 is a bit stingy though love.)

What happens if she is a better Mother than I am?! It's not hard, is it?! 

What happenes if Jane and Scarlett's Dad get married, will she want to be with them more than me? What happens if they have children together and their kids and Scarlett all live happily ever after? 

I'm sure Scarlett has been vocal about the relationships I have had. I have had 2 serious boyfriends in the past few years but now the shoe is on the other foot, it hurts a bit. 

I broke Scarlett's family apart because I wasn't happy but what if they can give her a proper 'family' life and I never can?  

Will I forever be the Single 'Yummy' Mummy scowling at Scarlett's other life? 

I don't want to be bitter and I'm trying not to be. I'm sure she is lovely, but I am going to stalk her Facebook page just to check (she shouldn't have put her full name on the sponsor form.) 

Am I a bit of a fruit loop? Tell me it's not just me who doesn't like the other woman? 

Mid year resolutions...

Recently I have been thinking about mid year resolutions. It's now May, we're already half way through the year and I'm no better as a person than I was last year (actually that's not true, I am funnier and about 1/2 lb. lighter.) 

So maybe starting some resolutions half way through the year will be easier than starting them at the beginning. 

Hmm maybe not, but I will give it a bash.

Mid-year resolutions...

• Don't leave the washing outside overnight (or for 2 nights) stop being lazy and bring it in (and don't dump it in a pile in the bedroom.) 

• Check to see if I have mail more than once a fortnight. 

• Find the Hoover and use it. 

• Stop using champagne glasses for wine (it's pompous.) 

• Stop shouting at cyclists to 'Get off the road!' When I'm driving (especially as I have L plates on and they are probably wishing I would get off the road.) 

• Stop gritting my teeth when a child comes near me (unless it's my own, even then I need to work on the teeth gritting.) 

• Do some actual exercise as walking from the kitchen to the living room is not sufficient. 

• Stop using sweets to bribe Scarlett. 

• Do something nice every day, even if it means smiling at someone who was just rude or annoying. 

• Read this book instead of just checking it out of the library and incurring fines when I forget to return it...

• Pay my £11.40 library fine. 

Ok, so it's more of a to-do list than a list of resolutions (oh must add to put photos in the photo frames that have been empty for a year) but I am going to make an effort to do all of the above...tomorrow. 

I'm currently in the library surrounded by brats- I mean children and I need to see a dentist because I think I have gritted my teeth away. 

 

Am I being unreasonable?

So I went to Wetherspoons this lunch time and ordered some food. 

My daughter and friend got her food, I sat patiently and waited. I took Scarlett to the toilet, came back and no food. 

Then a waitress came over and asked if everything was ok. My friend had nearly finished her meal and I said I hadn't had my meal yet. The waitress went off and came back a few minutes later with my food and said they had forgotten about it. 

She put my plate down, I thanked her and ate it. I came home and decided to tweet Wetherspoons to make them aware of what happened...

I wasn't insulting, I was making them aware that they may need to work on their customer service. They replied...

I can deal with the human error part but the waitress didn't keep me informed she told me it had been forgotten when she brought my meal to me. I'm not having a go at her as she was not who served our table originally but to forget a meal seems a bit odd. 

Surely the best thing to do was to offer an apology and say thank you for making us aware? Not to bite at a customer and be sarcastic. 

Am I over reacting that a big company responded like that? 

20 minutes later...

Turns out the above is a fake account but I did get owned. Damn it! 

When should I stop carrying my 5 year old around?

I'm lazy, I know I am but it's also a worrying trait that my daughter has. 

While out in town the other day, Scarlett said she was tired and demanded to be picked up. I looked down at my high heel knee length boots (they are not as hookery as they sound) sighed and picked her up. 

I could feel people looking at me carrying my lump of a child and wondering who was more lazy. Me for not standing up to my child (anything for an easy life) or Scarlett for being a big baby by not walking. 

I can give Scarlett some credit as my right bicep could match up to a wrestlers (bit of an over statement) but that is because I have been carrying her around since she was about 18 months. 

I can remember vividly standing in town shouting at Scarlett to get back in the pushchair while people backed away from me, I gave in, carried her and pushed the pushchair (in my heels.) 

I did the, push the empty pushchair, carry the child merry-go-round for a couple of months before abandoning the pushchair and just carried her and have continued to do so for years. 

My only light relief is when she has her scooter, she flies down the pavement and I literally have to run after her (yes, in my heels.) 

However if I forget/can't be bothered to bring her scooter to wherever we are going, I become the walking pushchair again. 

I know it's lazy parenting but sometimes it's just easier, though I know I have to break the cycle as I can't be carrying her around when she's 15. 

Is it just me? Or are you a walking talking pushchair too? 

30 days of adventure...

While reading an old Psychologies magazine I came across a paragraph which said:

Visit psychologies.co.uk where this month (Scarlett has ripped part of the magazine, but I believe it was either Aug or Sep 2014) our Life Lab experts are blogging about how to cram more adventure into your life and, join our 30 days of adventure challenge.  

So, instead of moaning about the little things (and getting mocked by a parody account) I'm going to appreciate the good things in life. 

Call me a hippy but sometimes we need to take chill out and have little adventures. 

The adventures can be as small as trying a new food to travelling to a new country (not on my budget, a different county I could do) so, I am starting my #30daysofadventure challenge... 

Day 1. 

Went to Littlehampton for lunch in Wetherspoons, which you could argue I could have done anywhere, but it had a nice back garden. 

I waited a long time for my food and when I asked the waitress where it was she said:

'Oh, they forgot about it' 

I ignored my own advice on not moaning, so I Tweeted and blogged about my unhappy experience...http://sym-ple1.blogspot.com/2015/05/am-i-being-unreasonable.html

I got owned by a parody account. It was a twitter adventure! (You could argue that I failed my challenge on day 1, but onwards and upwards.) 

Day 2. 

I applied to go on TV on a show called 'First Dates' and imagined meeting the man of my dreams (pah!) 

I then walked from Worthing to Ferring, down a path which I used to walk down all the time when I was younger. I used to imagine that fairies and gnomes came out at night and played together. Yes I was a weird child...no I don't still think that's true. Honest. 

I also went to a new pub called The Tudor. Finding a new pub is always an adventure. 

Day 3.

In the early hours of the morning I went to random flat with some girls after a night out. It sounds more dangerous than it was, I knew one of them, so it was all good! 

Day 4. 

I read 'A street cat named Bob.'

Day 5.

I wrote a review for a product which will hopefully lead to an exciting blogging project. 

Day 6.

I went to a pub after work and met new people, oh and someone dressed as Kiss- I thought I was hallucinating. I then tripped over on the pavement and smashed my chin up. -bad adventure. 

Day 7 

Spent the afternoon on a friends balcony and booked a holiday, turns out there are some cheap deals to Spain! 

Day 8 

Bought new Muller Light youhurts- it counts as an adventure as in my mind I was sat on a beach in Barbados eating it. 

Day 9.  

Went to Brighton for the afternoon and to a weird pub that I thought I was going to get murdered in. It was like something out of the film 'Hostel'. The toilet was downstairs in the pitch black and there were people sitting on a sofa watching a movie on a tiny screen. Weird. 

Day 10. 

Made friends with 2 dogs, I'm not the biggest dog fan so it was a big step for me. 

Day 11.

I realised that the majority of my time is spent in pubs (I work in one too) but it's research right, I have to check out the competition?! Started reading Story of O by Pauline Reage  - an explicit adventure. No alcohol required. 

Day 12. 

The epic toilet adventure!

I decided to take a new route home with Scarlett after school. While we were down a road (and a little lost) Scarlett announced she needed the toilet...

'NOW!'

Cue her scootering and me running (yes haha) down lots of new roads trying to find a toilet (why is there never one in the street when you need one?!) Thankfully, I located a Morrisons in just in time. 

Scarlett: 'Can I have some sweets now?' 

Me: 'No I can't breathe, we have to go home, NOW!' 

Day 13.

Went to shoreham airport for the first time and watched the planes. A pilot then contacted me on Plenty of Fish, fate?!

Day 14. 

Went to The Bull in Goring for a friends birthday. I hadn't before, oh that's a lie I bought condoms in there once, but this time it was nice to have a drink instead of running into the dispensing machine in the loo as a teenager and then running back out. 

Day 15 Monday 

Met a new guy and hung out with him. That's all I'm saying. 

Day 16.

Had a Sex and the city moment and drank cocktails in town with friends. 

Day 15. 

I had a day of panicking and revising for my driving test tomorrow. Tomorrow is the adventure today, the prepping. 

Day 16. 

Passed my driving test!! Went for breakfast at the renovated Bluebird cafe and bought my first car!! Best adventure yet! 

Day 17. 

Took Scarlett to Mc Donald's and tried their strawberry lemonade smoothie thing. Pretty scrum. 

Day 18.

Took my mum and Scarlett out in my Mums car for the first time. I gaffer taped my mother. 

Day 19.

Started writing a murder/mystery novel and am scaring myself at what I am writing. I need to stop watching murder programmes but it opens the question 'who are we?' I have begun a fictional adventure. Also watched 'Into the woods' for the first time today- that film is not suitable for children, there is death at every turn. But Johnny Depp is a hot wolf in it so I can't complain, wait- I can because he DIES! 

Day 20.

Tried this bad boy...

It was so minty and reminded me of holidays at my parents friends house in France, where we had lots of adventures including when my parents forced me to eat rabbit (so I was like 7 and didn't know what it was but that's not the point).

Day 21.

I drove to Weald and Downland open air museum, a journey that should have taken a maximum of 40 minutes but took us 3 hours. We got lost, then there was a diversion, I had to squeeze past a bin lorry on a tiny country lane (with my P plates on- round of applause please.) Scarlett was sick and by the time we got there I was exhausted. Scarlett make a candle (I've given up candle making so I'm making her do it now!) and did a brass rubbing of a unicorn (I lost it but don't tell her!) she was then sick in one of the Tudor style houses. It was an epic day. 

Day 22. 

Went to the beach and read a book (not the whole thing, a few chapters) the gulls started surrounding me, so I freaked out and left...

Day 23. 

Went for a walk and met a cat, I called him Bob.

Day 24. 

Went to see a Michael Jackson Impersonator and he was amazing! I fancied him a little bit, is that weird? 

Day 25.

Went to a festival called Funk the Family. 

Day 26. 

Went to an Art event and made collages and a giant cardboard house.

Day 27.

I picked up my car! Drove to Arundel and went to a pub (what?!) I had an Appletiser in a wine glass and I fooled myself that it was alcohol. 

Day 28. 

Went to a cocktail bar and asked myself...who invented pepper vodka because it is rank! 

Day 30.

Typically the last day I had the biggest and most awful adventure...Scarlett went missing http://sym-ple1.blogspot.com/2015/06/you-got-scarlett.html

Well, it's been an interesting 30 days. I've had some epic adventures, some random and one very bad but I've realised that things happen everyday good and bad, but they are all adventures and (here comes the soppy bit...) we should be grateful and take life by the balls. 

Be random, make every day an adventure and do something new. 

What will tomorrow bring??? (Hopefully something including wine...)

 

 

10 reasons why internet dating is depressing...

1. It makes you realise how judgemental you are, no likely face, you're out of the race. 

2. Teenagers will message you and start with 'Sup fittie youz well fit wanna a pick of my d*ck ;) '

3. You will eventually succumb and reply to someone who you feel sorry for, who will then message you on the hour, every hour. 

4. You will be shocked at the amount of people who are unable to spell a simple 4 letter word but weirdly have no problem spelling pus*y.   

5. You will be upset if at least 5 people haven't messaged you in a day. 

6. For some reason all of your ex's are also on the same site and will message you. You will save the sentence 'you're an ex for a reason' to save wasting valuable dating time. 

7. It makes you feel sorry for you and the rest of the single girls to see that this is all that is left of single guys. 

8. In the 'About me' section, if they guy has put 'message me' it is code for they have nothing decent to say. NEXT! 

9. You will see a gazillion pictures of guys flashing their abs which will make you look down at your muffin top and regret looking at their profiles while eating a box of cookies. 

10. The most depressing of all is when you start talking to a really gorgeous bloke, he has a decent job, a car, owns his own house, can spell and hold a decent conversation but blows everything out of the water when he admits to living in France for 9 months of the year. 

Come on! 

I would do a blog called '10 things that are great about internet dating' but I'm struggling with number 1. 

Ultimatum...

All day Scarlett has been giving me ultimatums and after 12 hours of it, I'm a teenie weenie bit stressed. 

About half an hour ago...

Scarlett: 'Mummy, get me an ice cream otherwise I will scream.'

Me: 'Good use of the word 'otherwise' but I already said no.'

Scarlett: 'I will scream....'

Scarlett starts screaming...

I hand her a ice cream. 

5 minutes ago...

Scarlett: 'Get me an empty bottle to play with in the bath or I will splash water everywhere.' 

Me: 'What? No.' 

Scarlett starts splashing so I empty a bottle for her. 

Scarlett: 'I want some bubbles. Get me some bubbles.' 

Me: 'No.' (In my head I'm like BE FIRM!) 

Scarlett: 'Get me bubbles now.' 

Me: 'No.'

Scarlett: 'Get me bubbles or else.' 

Me: 'I said NO! HOW MANY TIMES?! Nothing else, you are getting out of the bath and going to bed!' 

She's now in bed and I'm now having a glass of wine. 

Tomorrow will be better- or else! 

'Are you beach body ready?' Banned!

In today's The Sun (I do read other papers occasionally) 

The advert for 'Protein World' has been doing the rounds on social media and today it has been banned over 'health claims made' and stupid individuals that have claimed that the advert is sexist. 

Ridiculous! 

How is someone who has clearly worked out, not eaten their body weight in chocolate and is fronting a 'Protein World' campaign being slammed for having a body which she has worked hard for and others are clearly jealous of. 

They are hardly going to use a bloater with her love handles hanging out to advertise their business as they would go bust. 

I bet the women claiming the ad is 'sexist' would not be complaining if it was a male model with his six pack out. 

This world is going crazy, next there will be complaints of an ad with a dog in it as clearly that is animal abuse forcing a dog to pose for a camera. 

Some people need to get over themselves and get to a gym. If I had a body like Renee, I would damn well be showing it off. 

In the bag

While walking down the road earlier I heard a rattling and found a cat toy in my bag...I don't have a cat. 

When I got home I decided my bag was long overdue a clear out and here is what I found inside...

• 6 Lipbalms 

• 3 lighters

• 10 pens (2 broken)

• 2 tomato ketchup sachets 

• 6 receipts

•1 debt letter from January

• Bits of children's toy's 

• 1 empty cigarette packet 1 full

• Sunglasses and plasters

• Seashells 

• Sticks

•Random miscellaneous objects

• 1 cat toy

I think I need to clear out my bag more often.  

#inthebag what's hiding in your bag?