Newsworthy

After suffering unsightly stretch marks during my pregnancy which haunt me to this day, I was excited (and annoyed it wasn't invented 5 years ago) to read about a band that 'stops' stretch marks. 

A study found that pregnant women using the band and creams (picture below) did not have stretch marks by the end of their pregnancy, compared to two-thirds of wonen who did not use the band and creams in the study who did have stretch marks at the end of their pregnancy. 

I am a bit dubious that this would work, some people get stretch marks when pregnant and the lucky ones who don't (for example; most celebrities) and surely there is more to stopping stretch marks than a band and a bit of cream? 

However, there is clinical evidence that it works so if you want to give it a go log onto www.secretsaviours.com 

The bump survival pack is £69.95 

Obviously I am not pregnant, so I won't be testing it anytime soon. If they could invent a band to remove stretch marks though, I would be the first in the queue to give it a go (with the dubious part of me thinking it's just a fad and I only have myself to blame for my stretch marks. Eating for 2? I thought I was eating for 4!)

Also in the news today...

A head of a boarding school in Berkshire has said that children going to school for the first time have the communication skills of a 2/3 year-old as parents have 'pacified' them with iPads. 

I for one believe that iPads and mobiles should not be given to children, let alone to toddlers (much to Scarlett's annoyance) I don't think there is a 'right' age but in an ideal world I wouldn't want Scarlett to have one until high school. 

I know that sadly in this day and age I will have to give in a lot sooner so Scarlett can be like the rest of her friends. I am aware that iPads are used regularly in all years in primary schools (which is sad as I don't own one, let alone played on one and I'm 25. Scarlett is 5.) 

Then I saw this...

While it is not a new 'thing' it is shocking. When I first saw it I thought that it wasn't that bad and then I thought...

'How the hell long does a child need to be on a potty to use an iPad?!' 

Then there is the thought of a child using a potty, then touching the iPad...all kinds of gross. 

Parents are also saying it is lazy parenting and that is time that could be spent more wisely by actually talking to your child (Shock horror! Talking to your own child!!) 

It's sad that the parents who are 'pacifying' their children will not realise what they are doing as rather than reading a paper, they will be watching Jeremy Kyle while their kids sit on a potty in the corner playing Angry Birds.

Tomorrow is my favourite day in the food calendar (unless there is a chocolate cheesecake day I don't know about?) 

It is....

British Yorkshire Pudding Day!!!!

I will be attempting to make a batch from scratch (and buying some Aunt Bessie's just in case!) 

Someone put the fire brigade on standby please...

Scarlett's blog 31.1.15

It snowed again! But it had dissapeared before I could get a picture, or should I say before Mummy could. 

She did promise to buy me a camera of my own but back tracked and doesn't know if it is 'appropriate.' 

Some of the kids in my school have their own iPads and mobiles, my Mother lives in the dark ages. 

She said we need to interact with each other by playing games and talking to each other. I threw a 'whatever' in her direction and walked out of the room. 

We went to see night at the museum 3 this morning (after we had been for a fry up- nice diet love!) at the end she chocked back a tear, she is such a wuss sometimes! Of course they bring the museum to life again at the end...oh sorry for ruining the ending :/ my bad. 

We then went shopping, it was so cold I tried to get Mummy to carry me but she said 'you're 5 not 5 months so you can walk!' So I walked...at a snails pace. 

I did persuade her to buy me these though... 

Are they not just the cutest slippers you have ever seen? If I catch Mummy putting her elephant feet in them again (like I did earlier) she will be in trouble. 

I'm thinking that putting her phone down the toilet would be an appropriate punishment, it's not like she hasn't had it down there before. 

Oh and in the spirit of communicating we bought this...

It's minion frustration! (Ignore the crisps in the corner, you can guess who ate them.)  

I have the magic touch, I got 6 after 6 after 6 on the dice, Mummy hadn't even got one of her pieces out and I had 3 home! Totally awesome, I think I caught her looking at pink cameras after she shouted:

'Ive had enough of this game!' 

LOSER! 

I'm off for a long hot bath now as all of this winning malarkey has exhausted me! 

Xoxo 

Scarlett's blog 30.1.15

I do apologise that our encounters are sometimes few and far between, however I am such a social butterfly that I barely know where I am going to be from one day to the next. 

I am now at home with Mummy, so I am back for tonight at least. 

I would tell you what I have been upto this week but it's mostly just school and studying with a sprinkle of playtime as I am trying to focus on my career as an actress. 

I've done some head shots...

Mummy is beyond useless with a camera! I told her to get a professional but she wouldn't listen. 

Don't mind the reward chart in the background, it's null and void. Mummy used it for about 2 days before abandoning it, I now use it to practice my writing as that is what I want to do next...write a play. 

The plot would be, well basically about me and my fabulousness. I suppose Mother could have a walk on part if she is lucky, she could play the part of my cleaner. 

Haha just kidding we would be stars together a 1 woman, 1 child phenomenon. 

I can hear Hollywood calling already! 

She would have to slim down a bit though, those Christmas puddings are not going to fall off on their own!

She made a measly attempt at running today, I scooted while she did a pathetic half run/half limp. 

Bless her for trying though and she did say she had already been on a run before she picked me up. Yeah, like I believe that! 

Best get sleeping as Mummy said she will challenge me to a run/scoot off on the seafront tomorrow. Bring your video phones! 

Xoxo   

Run medium sized girl, RUN!!

I am a runner.

I am envisioning marathons, triathlons, even the Iron Man challenge. I am ready! 

This is what I did today...

And I am still alive! Well that could be because I have formulated a plan (I may have seen it in a magazine ages ago but I'm claiming it as mine now) it's so simple even I can do it and I am still alive! 

Step 1. Accept that Mc Donald's is not a suitable place to have breakfast every morning. 

Step 2. Dig out the really expensive running shoes that you bought on 2nd January and put them where they should be...not in the cupboard, on your feet. 

Step 3. Delete all rubbish pictures and download the new NOW! Album (I have no storage on my phone, damn me for being a cheapskate, oh and for breaking my decent phone.) 

Step 4. Dig out gym gear from the back of the wardrobe and put it on. Do this before step 2, I would swap them but I can't be bothered. 

Step 5. Download a running app (I used Runtastic as it was the first that came up in my App Store and it is free.) 

Step 6. Put in your headphones, turn up the music and take a deep breath. 

Step 7. Walk for 1 minute at a brisk pace. (I love the word brisk. Brisk, brisk, brisk.)

Step 7. Run for 1 minute (I say run, I mean jog. Oh, unless you have downloaded the running app which has zombies chasing you, then RUUUUN!!!)

Step 8. Walk again for 1 minute, then run for 1 minute and repeat until you have completed a total of 20 minutes. 

Step 9. Walk for 10 minutes to cool down, then if you have timed it right, you should end up at your front door (give or take a minute.) 

Step 10. Do a few leg stretches and arm stretches (stretching to the biscuits oh I mean to the fruit bowl, doesn't count) and check you are still breathing. 

Step 11. Pat yourself on your shrinking bum and have a bath. 

I know, I am a fitness guru. 

Today was just the start, Rosemary Connely better watch out! 

I have to go to bed now as I am exhausted. 

Night! 

Smoking rewards

If I said I would give you £400 to quit smoking when pegnant, would you think that was a bribe or would you willingly latch onto my offer? 

A pilot study has found that pregnant women were more likely to quit smoking if a financial reward was offered. 

Well obviously, who doesn't like free money?! 

In The Sun it states 'over 600 took part in the trial - mostly funded by taxpayers. Researches said 23 per cent stopped when offered vouchers, with 15 per cent still not smoking a year on. But just 9 per cent who were not offered the reward managed to quit, falling to 4 per cent after the birth.' 

I will admit that I did smoke during some of my pregnancy, I stopped when I was 6 months pregnant on my own with no help, or vouchers. 

However, if a reward was offered to quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant, would I have taken them up on it? 

Yes I would have but I'm sure I would have failed miserably as when you are a smoker you can't quit until you are ready to quit, regardless of if you are pregnant or not.  

Yes that sounds incredibly selfish and I thank God everyday that I have a healthy child with no problems due to my selfishness. I didn't smoke 20 a day while pregnant and I usually only had 1 or 2 cigarettes a day but I know that was wrong of me and I admit that. 

I have walked down the street and seen pregnant women smoking and looked at them in horror and then sympathy as I know how hard it is to quit. 

I did take up smoking again gradually, I smoke a few cigarettes a day and can go for days at a time without touching one but I am not going to lie, I enjoy smoking and I don't want to quit, don't all gasp at once. (I struggle gasping as I need all the oxygen I can get in my lungs.) 

This new incentive, bribe, bit of blackmail or whatever they are calling it, is due to be rolled out to pregnant women in London, Nottingham, Belfast and Lanarkshire. 

They will get a £50 voucher after setting up a meeting with an NHS advisor and setting a quit date, which seems like an incredibly easy way to get £50 without doing anything apart from (probably) half heartedly saying 'I promise I will quit' then running off to Argos to buy a hideous bit of cheap jewellery. (Wouldn't vouchers for Mothercare be more appropriate? - I will email them to see if they are.) 

Another £50 will be given to them if they are smoke free for 4 weeks. Again, this seems pretty easy. I may even think about becoming pregnant again as this free money sounds appealing. 

Then £100 will be given if they get to 3 months without smoking. Where is my nearest sperm bank?! 

The final £200 will be given if they make it to 9 months without smoking. I feel a bit sick (maybe I AM pregnant?!) 

The 'experts' think this will save money and reduce miscarriages and stillbirths, the last 2 are valid points but the first?! 

We are too softly, softly in this country and the government and 'experts' think they need to toddler us to get us to behave and do what they want but why don't they try to go the other way and fine pregnant women who smoke? 

If I was told I would be fined if I didn't quit smoking while pregnant, I would have stopped there and then. Thinking about money being taken off me would be more of an incentive than if I could just get given something for free. 

Besides, if you really wanted to quit when you were pregnant then surely you wouldn't need an incentive to quit other than the fact that you were pregnant? 

It's time this country stopped fluffing everything up and throwing money at a problem. Just deal with it, get tough and move onto the next problem as this country is full of them.

Sleep

I fell asleep!!! I have no time to blog before work but I have started:

'Should my child say sorry?'

Ponder the above and I will let you know what it is all about tomorrow... 

Turning 30

This is my latest read...

Like the title suggests, it is about a guy who is about to turn 30 years old and is at a place in his life that he didn't think he would be when he imagined turning 30. 

30 to me seems like a zillion miles away but I will be knocking the big 3-0 in just over 4 years. AHHH!!! Now that is scary. 

They say life passes you by so I have made a list of things I want to accomplish by the time I am 30. Then in 4 years I can look back and think 'oops, I haven't managed to do one of those things but at least I had dreams.' 

What I want to do before I am 30...

• Finish my books and send them to publishers. (To probably be rejected but look a J K Rowling now!) 

• Abseil down the Spinniker Tower. (I nearly did this last year but it rained and I didn't re-book it. Wuss.) 

• Complete a half, if not full marathon. (I ran for 10 minutes this morning. See, I'm already in training!) 

• Do more volunteering and be more useful to society. 

• Eat at a really fancy restaurant. (Instead of Pizza Hut.) 

• Complete a journalism course. (I have paid for 2 online courses and never completed them. Oops.) 

• Get a boob job (it's not about vanity, it's about my child murdering my beautiful pre-baby boobs.) 

• Live in a house. (As opposed to a 1 bedroom flat.) 

• Own or run a pub (wine, wine and more wine! Maybe I should run a wine bar...) 

• Still be blogging and vlogging. (I want Scarlett back as I want to vlog with her again and I have to wait until Friday afternoon!) 

• Be a better cook. (Not burn practically everything.) 

I'm sure there is more to add to the list but I can't think right now, my run has knackered me! 

I best get cracking on my list as this blog post has put me 10 minutes closer to being 30! Ahhhhhh. 

Should my child say sorry?

Scarlett said to me last night:

"Tilly called me a bully she's not my friend anymore" 

Me: "Why?"

Scarlett: "Don't know."

Me: "Well if you did something say sorry, if not just ask if she wants to be friends again. If she doesn't want to, find someone else to be friends with and ask Tilly if she wants to be friends again tomorrow."

I thought I was giving her good advice but according to an article I was reading today, I may have done the wrong thing... 

I agree with some of the points she makes, such as: 

'Toddlers should be educated.' Myth - they should play, play, play. I totally agree. 

But I don't agree with this...

I am aware that the above is 'toddler myths' but surely if we don't teach our kids examples of good behaviour from a young age they will grow up to be selfish, ignorant adults? 

Just because a toddler may not 'be sorry' it doesn't mean that they shouldn't be sorry. Should a child snatch a toy and get it's own way and never understand that is not acceptable? 

So if a toddler is 'not sorry' and shouldn't say sorry, does that work the same for a child at school or an adult? 

How would people react if I took something off someone, or banged into someone on purpose or accidentally, is it not right to have manners and say sorry? 

If I saw someone do the above or even a toddler I would expect there to be an attempt of an apology. 

If my daughter snatched something from someone, child or adult, I would expect her to say sorry as that is what I have taught her from when she started talking. 

I don't believe asking a toddler to apologise is 'pointless and misguided' I think it shows that the parent is making an effort to teach their child to do the right thing and it teaches the child to have respect for other people. 

As for making a toddler say please and thank you, I believe these should be among the first words a child should be able to say. Saying common curtseys is a sign of respect and I deem anyone, be a toddler or an adult, rude and disrespectful if they do not say please and thank you- regardless of if you mean it. 

The hugging elderly relatives part, that is a sign of love and affection so who wouldn't encourage their children to do that? 

I'm proud that my daughter is so polite and always says please and thank you when appropriate and hugs her wrinkly relatives, I will pat myself on the back for that. 

Sorry (but not sorry) if this post has offended anyone but thank you for reading. 

Check out www.sarahockwell-smith.com if you want to read the other 'common parenting myths.' 

Is homeschool the way forward?

I have never thought about homeschooling before today and did not realise how easy it was to say 'I'm going to homeschool my child' and actually be able to do it seemingly without anyone batting an eyelid... 

Turns out Alicia (above) is not reading her own advice (though it is doubtful she can actually read) as she admitted in the paper today that she is homeschooling her youngest child Papaya. 

It's a wonder she can even spell her own child's name as she recently revealed that she has only just learnt the alphabet and her 3 year old (Papaya) taught her, her A B C's. 

Homeschooling will seemingly not be a problem for Alicia as "there's always Google."

Alicia has admitted she is dyslexic, which is another reason why I am struggling to understand why she would want to homeschool her child instead of giving her a "Good education."

I typed into Google (there is always Google) 'Homeschooling in the U.K' and discovered it is surprisingly and worryingly easy to take your child out of school and homeschool your child. 

All you have to do is tell the school your child is in that you will be taking them out, inform your local council, then you can burn your child's uniform and say bye bye to state education and hello to...well, whatever you want to teach. 

Home educating parents are not required to: 

• Teach the national curriculum 

• Provide a broad and balanced education

• Have a timetable

• Have a premises equipped to any particular standard 

• Set hours during which education will take place

• Have any specific qualifications 

• Make detailed plans in advance 

• Observe school hours, days or terms 

• Give formal lessons 

• Mark work done by their child

For the full list of what you don't need to do to homeschool check out:

www.education-otherwise.org 

The only guidelines to ensure that a child is seemingly being educated well is in Section 437 to 433 of the Education Act 1996:

"If it appears to a local education authority that a child of compulsory school age in their area is not receiving suitable education, either by regular attendance at school or otherwise, they shall serve a notice in writing on the parent requiring him to satisfy them within the period specifies in the notice that the child is receiving such education. (s 437 (1))

Though it seems unclear exactly how the local authority check up on homeschooled children as there is no curriculum to adhere to. 

I hope that after making an admission that you only recently learnt your A B C's in a national newspaper, the local authority will be keeping an eye on Alicia's educating skills for her daughters sake. 

Hopefully she will reconsider homeschooling and get her child into an actual school pronto. 

I am not afraid to admit that I am more confident in a trained teacher than my own teaching skills and while having holidays out of term time and teaching my child about whatever I want may seem like fun in the short term, in the long term I know my child will have a much better education in school than with me, so in school she will stay. 

The Pricey

While in the library earlier, I found myself drawn to this...

I read her first autobiography ages ago and decided to catch up on what has been going on in the life of Katie Price to see if her life is as much of a car crash as mine. 

I am half way through already and have found myself sympathysing with her, she's had a rough time but her kids are at the forefront of her mind all of the time.

I haven't read a lot about her son and his condition and I am not judging anyone but I had a quick look at Facebook inbetween reading Katie's book and this question was posed...

According to the above article, Katie admitted in the Big Brother house that her son's driver, who takes him to school is funded by the government and he has a nurse who also accompanies him on the journey's paid for by the taxpayer. 

Katie admitted that it would cost up to a grand a day if she were to pay for it herself, however for someone who is worth an estimated £40 million shouldnt she pay for it herself? 

Could the money that is being used for her son be used for a child who's mother is not a millionaire and more than capable  of paying for his care herself? 

Or is Katie entitled to use what the government are giving her for free as she 'pays her taxes' so has a right to free care for her child who has health issues? 

Personally I think that if you are able to afford to pay for your own child's care and have millions in the bank then you should be made to pay for it so that a child that is not so fortunate can perhaps get more help.

The Pricey may have to rethink if she has got it right on this one but I'm sure she will set the story straight when she is out of the Big Brother house...back to chapter 13 of Love, Lipstick and Lies. 

What annoys me...by Scarlett age 5.

I was doing some internet research for my book;

'My life in 5'

Which is my autobiography.  A lot of fantastic things have happened in my life so it is a book celebrating me and giving tips to other children so they can have a fabulous life too. 

It is going to include fashion (fabulous at 5) food (how to make the perfect mud pie) and a whole load of other things, I'm so excited so watch this space...

Sorry, went a bit off track there! So, while researching I came across this...

It got me thinking about things that annoy me (I'm not going to say the naughty word as used above, else I will get points taken off my reward chart and I really want to go to the cinema this weekend as I fancy some popcorn.) 

So here is the top 10 things which annoy me: 

1. Not having spaghetti bolognese everyday for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 

2. Mummy making me spaghetti bolognese when I said I wanted pizza. 

3. Not being able to wear my Elsa dress to bed. 

4. Being forced to watch Mummy's rubbish TV when I want to watch cartoons. 

5. Being told off for drawing on the walls (I'm an artist and it curbs my creative flow.) 

6. Being made to walk ANYWHERE, I should be carried at all times.  

7. Being made to get in the bath. 

8. Being made to get out of the bath (it's a palaver, after I didn't want to get in the bath in the first place, then ten minutes later I'm told to get out. Make up your mind!!!) 

9. Chocolate being used as blackmail (I know what is going on.) 

10. Baggy tights (such a fashion faux par! And wrong, just wrong.) 

With that said, I'm off to add another chapter in my book;

'Things which Mummy does to annoy me.'

Xoxo 

I interpreted this a little differently...

I thought the above would be full of comments saying: 

'I wish I told myself to text that guy who gave me his number before I had sex with my ex boyfriend and got pregnant.'

However the 16 things were more like:

'Live in the moment and breathe.'

'You're right to start the TENS machine before you really feel anything...'

I prefer my interpritation, so here are the 16 things I would tell my pre birth self...

1. Those pert little boobs you hated will turn into deflated balloons after having a baby- appreciate not having stretch marks and saggy bags for boobs. 

2. Remember those pelvic floor exercises you used to scoff at? They will become your best friend. 

3. Silence - appreciate silence. 

4. Appreciate being able to walk out of the house with relative ease. 

5. Enjoy the feeling of being awake at 3am because you want to be awake at that time. 

6. Travel more, even if it is just to go visit family who live an hour away, travelling will become a nightmare when you have a baby who is car sick. 

7. Enjoy the feeling of your home not being a prison. 

8. Drink more wine, just because you can. 

9. Don't turn down opportunities to see friends, they are your future babysitters and you will need as many as you can get. 

10. Appreciate money and the feeling of buying something just for you and not having to spend your last fiver on nappies. 

11. Enjoy your 2 hour baths with no interruptions. 

12. Revel in the fact that you can fit into size 8 clothes. 

13. Appreciate that there are no stretch marks on your hips, tummy, bum, legs, boobs and well everywhere apart from your face (but what are those on your neck?!) 

14. Have a cup of hot tea. 

15. Have a day of watching your favourite films and TV (Cbeebies characters will eventually become part of your family.) 

16. Enjoy just being YOU. Keep a diary of your life, your dreams and ambitions to look back at. 

Things that almost made it into the list...

• Think about the contraception that you are on, is it reliable and more to the point, are you? 

• Dig out the condoms from the back of the cabinet (and check that they are in date.) 

• Buy a good vibrator. 

• Invest in flannel pjs and a chastity belt.  

You need this in your life Mummy's...

I just made the ultimate perfect Mummy winters day dinner and it was the easiest thing to make EVER...

I looked at my slow cooker on the floor of my kitchen this morning, where it has been sat since Christmas, unopened and unloved...until today. 

At 11am this morning I decided to give slow cooking a go as my 'do something new today' challenge (it won't be a daily challenge, just when I feel like it.)

I chucked some diced beef, a bag of stewing veg (pre packaged, thank you Morrisons) a casserole mix, and 3 potatoes along with some water and left it all day in the slow cooker. 

At 6pm with the smell of stew wafting through the flat, I couldn't hold back any longer and dished up a massive bowl for myself. 

If you are a Mummy and do not have a slow cooker, get one now! You can make whole chickens, curry, soup, even puddings (can't wait to experement with puddings!) and all with minimal effort. 

If you make a large amount, you can put it in the freezer as an easy meal for when you are pushed for time. 

I have a feeling my slow cooker is going to be my new best friend, it's the best thing since sliced bread! (Which coincidently tastes lovely with a bit of butter dipped in stew.)   

No more page 3

Well, I started writing this blog 2 days ago but due to work and various other commitments I have only just had a chance to finish it. 

Due to things in the media forever changing, it appears the bare boobs are back in The Sun on page 3 today, however I do feel it is still a subject up for discussion.  

The below was posted by mumsnet.com 2 days ago...

Now, I am certainly not a prude and I will admit that sex is one of my favourite things to discuss but when I read this I thought about how I view page 3 models.  

I don't generally buy papers as I read them online and while page 3 doesn't offend me, I can understand the benefits of not being confronted with a bare chested women as soon as the front page is turned. 

A child can easily go into a newsagents and pick up a paper without anyone being concerned, however if a child waked into a shop and tried to buy Zoo magazine or Nuts magazine there would be a problem and they would be refused the magazine (or should be.) 

Where is the line between a pair of boobs and soft porn? Should children be able to easily access pictures of half naked women? 

Or is the above a too extreme, or deep view? Is page 3 just a bit of harmless fun? 

Should women be supportive of these other women who are proud to show off their bodies? Are women catty about these glamour models because they are just jealous of them? 

Should the paper be alternating between male models one day and female models the next so women can ogle the men too? 

Would it be acceptable to have a bare chested male model on page 3 without causing offence to other men? 

Or is it degrading for both men and women to have these models flaunt their bodies and show everyone an unrealistic image of the perfect body? 

All of the above questions have run through my head over the past couple of days and I have come to the conclusion that the cons outweigh the pros and that page 3 should be banned. 

As a liberal woman I am shocked in myself to say that but I am not saying I think bare boobs should be banned completely but I don't think they should be in a daily newspaper for a child to have easy access to. 

If boobs are what you are looking for then there are plenty in Zoo magazine and other such magazines which a child would not be able to buy without question. 

I certainly don't want Scarlett to open a paper and ask why the girl doesn't have her top on, or ask if that's how she should look when she grows up. 

Maybe if I had a nice set of boobs and I didn't have a child, I would gladly be a page 3 model and not give it a second thought but the sensible part of me (there is a tiny sensible bit in me) forces me to look at this debate through a parents eye and I don't think page 3 is appropriate. 

I am not bashing glamour models, if that is you dream then go for it but I don't need to see your boobs while I am eating my morning croissant and catching up on the news.  

Scarlett's blog 24.01.15

'I'm going to fight them!'

Well, that was my thought until Mummy well and truly burst my balloon. 

This immature little rascal and his friend (rascal number 2) threw a glove at me in the playground the other day and got some of that horrible sloshy snow in my hair! 

I was with my boyfriend Leo, he told them what for, while I plotted my revenge. 

I told Mummy what had happened and she told me if it happened again, to tell a teacher, well I am not a snitch so I said with defiance:

'No, I'm not going to tell a teacher, I'm going to fight them!' 

I saw Mummy chuckle to herself, though she tried to hide it, then she said:

'I don't want to be embarrassed and called to the school because my sweet little girl has hit a boy. Just walk away from them.'

Errr, I'm going to fight them. 

Well maybe, I don't want to break a nail as that would be a total disaster, so I will let Leo fight my battles for me while I look all cute and innocent in the background. 

Talking of snow, here is the sprinkle we had the other day: 

Not much to build a snowman in but at least I look cute...

If you are wondering where my coat is from it's Gucci. Ha I wish, it's from Marks and Spencer which I thought was an old people shop for people like my Mummy, however they have some cute children's clothes.

If you are wondering about the price, I have no idea, I didn't pay for it as that is what Mummy's are for. 

I'm thinking about doing a children's fashion blog soon so keep your eyes peeled. 

Has anyone else noticed though that there are no children's changing rooms in shops? We just have to stand there while our personal shoppers (parents) hold the clothes up against us and hazard a guess that it will fit. 

Oh, the indignity of it! I'm going to start a campaign to get children's changing rooms in all shops that sell children's clothes, united we will fight for them!! 

Xoxo 

Santa is the name...

Presents are the game. 

Christmas is not over yet for me, I was dashing around the shops all day today trying to find a secret Santa present for someone I barely know from work. 

The only thing I was not allowed to buy was chocolate...damn. 

I thought about buying a set of mugs, trawled the shops for a nice photo frame, I found some nice towels before I realised that is not really appropriate. 

I thought about buying a candle, but Yankee Candle is closing down so I didn't want to look like a cheapskate buying a half price candle. 

I thought about making a mini hamper and dismissed it as too much effort. 

I went back to the shops I had already been in 2 or 3 times and probably looked incredibly dodgy. I thought about jewellery and decided that was too personal. 

I had a Mc Donald's to calm my nerves. I am the newbie at work so even though it's called 'secret Santa' everyone knows who got what for who so I needed a decent present. 

After 5 hours I settled on these...

I also bought these for Scarlett, which is probably a bad idea but I wasn't thinking straight by that point! 

I have a feeling I will be bleaching the tiles in the bathroom tomorrow. I must remember to tell her not to colour the rest of the walls in the house...

Da ya think I'm sexy?

My Mothers attempt to get me into church worked yesterday. I walked in and Rod Stewart was singing:

'Da ya think I'm sexy?!'

(I googled it 'Da ya' is correct.)

No it was not a church service that I went to (if it was, I would think about going more often) it was the belated children's Christmas party. 

It was an entertaining afternoon. Musical chairs nearly turned into a brawl as there were 2 older boys at the end (as they had pushed all girls out the way) one grabbed the last chair and the other one nearly fell flat on his face! 

Scarlett was one of the first to be kicked out of the game where when the music stops, the kids have to sit down and she was the last to sit down (I don't know what it is called?!) she was in her own world dancing, bless her. 

One mother took it upon herself to kick kids out of the above game. We were in a place of worship so I kept my opinion of her to myself, however I will say her moves to the music were like that of a crazed wombat. (Ten Hail Marys for me.) 

When the games had finished, I asked Scarlett if she wanted me to dance with her as she was sitting watching everyone and she told me to go back to the otherside of the room! 

Thank God, as it was the birdie song and I don't think I could have really forced myself to dance to that. 

When buffet time was called I pushed Scarlett to the front as I had seen some Pizza Express boxes being taken out earlier. 

That's the best part of a children's party, the buffet! Every parent looks around the room to check no one is watching, before sneaking a few crisps or mini sausages into their mouth. 

My top tip is to load your child's plate with food, then when they say they have finished you can 'save waste' and polish off the leftovers. 

I was devestated when Scarlett ate all of the pizza on her plate, so I unapologetically went to the silver platter of pizza and ate the biggest piece I could find in front of everyone. What?! I was hungry too! 

After food, it was back to dancing. Scarlett was staying close to a naughty boy who was tearing up the place. She is just like her Mummy, going for boys that are no good for her. 

Mind you, if she dresses like this, I may not have to worry about boys going near her.....

Part time Mother

This morning I couldn't wait to have my little whirlwind of a daughter back home, now after 2 hours and the flat looking like a tornado has ripped through it, maybe I could have done with one more night away from her. 

I'm joking (sort of) but the life of a single parent is hard to balance. Not too long ago (I'm being brutally honest here but bear with) I hated being a Mother. 

Well, I hated being a single Mother. My ex barely had any time for our daughter as the pub and his mates came first, while I was left clearing up after our daughter and comforting her when she asked where Daddy was. 

Eventually after 3 years he grudgingly agreed to have her for 1 night a week, as long as I did all of the running around in respect of picking her up and dropping her off at his Mothers. 

Still I was unhappy with my 1 night of freedom. I was in my early 20's and had no life. I couldn't afford to stay in my flat as I had no money. I had a job for a while but I quit when the going got tough (and I discovered 8 year olds are smarter than me.) 

I fell into a pit of self pity and had to move back in with my parents. I had moved out when I was 19 and had been independent for years, so being told to tidy my room again was a bit of a gut punch. 

I felt suffocated at my parents and had virtually no life. My only night off from Scarlett was a Tuesday, needless to say not a lot happens on a Tuesday night. 

I started to resent Scarlett for taking my youth. I realise now that if anything, she saved my life but at the time I just wanted to be free of the label 'Mummy.' 

I hated my weekends which were spent watching crap TV with my parents, while all of my friends without kids could do what they wanted. 

I felt like I was in prison, actually I felt that prison would be better but I was not prepared to do anything to actually be put inside. I thought about robbing a bank for a fleeting moment and brought myself back to reality with a glass of wine. 

Fast forward to 8 months later and I am in a 1 bedroom flat and I only have Scarlett 3 or 4 nights a week. 

I drop her to school on a Tuesday morning and pick her up on a Friday afternoon. I work at the weekends and so sometimes after dinner on Friday Scarlett will be picked up on Saturday morning and I won't see her until Sunday afternoon. 

I am not an 'earth mother' so the arrangement suits me. I miss Scarlett terribly when she is not here but I will admit that being a part time mother suits me just fine. 

I have my life back and I am happier, which in turn makes Scarlett happier as there is less shouting from me and more treats as I don't see her as often. 

I will be honest and say being a Full Time Mother is not for me. If you are thinking that I am selfish or are wondering why I bothered to have a child, I will say that no one knows what it is to be a Mother until you are one and then you just deal with things as best as you can. 

I have had thoughts of having another baby but thankfully (for both me and the baby) I am a parent to an only child, who will forever be an only child. 

The early days

While trying to find my first profile picture on Facebook after being nominated to do so (I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give to charity or something? Is it like the ice bucket challenge where everyone does it but no one gives any money?) I scrolled through all of the pictures I have ever posted. 

The majority of course are of Scarlett and I had a lovely trip down memory lane and found some diamond pictures to show to her boyfriend later in life, like this....

And this...

Everyone thinks they had a beautiful baby, but I've looked at some of the photos and thought 'that is a face only a mother could love' and 'I never realised how big her head was!' 

I found pictures of her first few moments in this world...

And her first Christmas...

(In that photo is my first glass of wine I had after having her. Scarlett looks like she has had some, I swear she hasn't!) 

I remembered the long days of being a mother to a baby and can't believe how horrific I looked. 

I think I was actually asleep in that photo. 

I remembered the random moments we shared...

And the precious times of when it was just me and my baby...

I found the photo in which Scarlett first discovered cake, though I don't know why she looks angry at it...

Actually I do, I am angry at cake for being so naughty but oh so nice. 

I went through literally hundreds of photos and I can remember by the photo, what I was doing around that time in my life. 

Our parents had photo albums but today we have Facebook albums of our special times which we barely look at. 

So the next time I feel sad or hate the world, I won't pick up a bottle of wine, I will look at all of my Facebook pictures and remember the happy times and appreciate what I have got. (More than likely with a glass of wine...) 

Oh and just in case you are interested, this was my first profile picture...

Yes, there is wine. 

Monday to Friday

I don't understand how I put Scarlett in her uniform at 8am on a Monday morning and by the time I pick her up at 2.45pm, she looks like she has been at school 5 days, not a few hours. 

There is pen all over her white shirt (I say white, it's probably a bit grey as I don't separate the whites in my washing as I don't have any whites apart from her school t-shirts) there is food all over her cardigan and something unmentionable down her skirt. 

Every Monday morning I beg Scarlett to not make too much of a mess on her uniform as she needs to wear it again the next day and I won't have time to wash it, however every Tuesday morning I find myself furiously scrubbing at the random stains covering her uniform.

Should I buy a uniform for everyday, just in case? Is that what other parents do? Am I just disorganised? Is a homemade flapjack an appropriate breakfast for a child? 

Oh dear it's not even half 8 in the morning. I'm going to buy another uniform and a box of something nutritional for breakfast. 

Anger comes from fear

I just read this sentence in the book I'm reading: 

'Anger comes from fear.' 

I have never contemplated that thought before. 

Now I have, it's frightfully true. 

Scarlett's blog 12.1.15

Happy belated new 

Not too much has happened in the past couple of weeks, so I won't bore you with the ins and outs of what I have had for dinner each night but I apologise for the lack of blogging. I bet you missed me! 

Mother suggested tonight that we turn off the TV and talk about our day over dinner this evening. She said it would be a:

'Mummy, Daughter bonding sesh'

I recoiled in horror and told her I though it was a better idea to put Mrs Doubtfire on. She listened, wise choice. 

She should be aware by now that when she asks me about my day after school, I always reply with:

'I can't remember.'

It's to get her back for the times when she tells me things are broken so I can't go on them, or play with them. Yeah I know lady, I've got your card marked! 

This Bob the builder digger was 'broken.' Funny that when I put in the 50p I had in my pocket, it magically came to life!

I am definitely not a pencil short of a full pack (in other words, I am as smart as a baby being christened.) check me out...

 

Even after school, I am still eager to learn. Plus there is a competition at school for reading this month. If I read at least 4 times a week for the month I get a £10.00 gift token! That is a whole lot of money. I will have to remind Mummy to write in my reading at home book as she tends to forget. 

That woman is not the sharpest. 

Right, I'm off to read this...

Well, I will point to the words and Mummy will say them as I copy her. I wonder how many times I can get herto repeat the story? I think my previous record was 4, so I will go for 5 times. 

Xoxo 

How to fall out of love...

I read this book a little while ago about how to stay in love, that's all very well if you are in a relationship but I think more people want to know how to fall out of love after a relationship...

So I have devised a few tips. They are to be taken very seriously and are to be completed before you resort to more extreme measures such as scrubbing the toilet with his toothbrush (hehe, yes I'm immature.)

For legal reasons, I cannot disclose what other measures I have taken after my relationships have broken down but unfortunately (pah!) I have stooped to lower (but totally hilarious) levels. 

How to fall out of love... 

When you are still just about talking (e.g before you have blocked then on Facebook, Twitter and anything else you can block them on.) 

• Make your point and don't listen to their side. Everything is their fault. 

•Throw things in their face that they have done over the course of your relationship, including that crappy Birthday present (or in my case, the non existent one. Not even a bloody card.) 

• Stay strong and don't cry or reach for the wine (once he las left, then you can open the wine and have a pity party.)  

• Divide your things and give them anything that reminds you of them. The Frankie says relax T-shirt is not worth the pain- let it go. (Warning - you will find their stray socks for months afterwards. Bin them ASAP, do not sniff them.) 

• Send one last message confirming your position (do not assume the position and ask him to come round one last time while you are starkers. There is no need for break up sex, you will have a shameful one night stand to fulfil this need) and block him on everything possible. 

Once blocked...

• Get the girls round ASAP (decent friends will bring copious amounts of wine- remind them of that fact.) 

• Write a list of things you hate about your ex including the fact that they used to laugh when they farted... Write immature next to that. 

• Put a picture of their face on a dartboard and throw darts or knives at it but have an ambulance on speed dial. 

• Ask a friend to delete all evidence of your life together from your phone and house as they won't keep a sneeky picture for the 'memories' but do have some respect and delete the dirty ones yourself (don't post them as revenge porn, even if they have a cocktail sausage as the police will come knocking.) 

• Do not watch Bridget jones or sex and the city, Magic Mike is what you need at this time or a good gory murder film. 

• Did I mention wine? But a decent wine glass and enjoy a bottle (s). 

When you are on your own and the 2 day hangover has subsided...

• Buy a decent vibrator and a stack of erotic novels. 

• Buy some cocktail sausages and laugh at the memories they bring back and bite down on them...HARD. 

• Vow to start an epic diet and buy an exercise DVD. Promise yourself that you will do it at least once a day until you get your dream body (you will last approximately 12 hours into your diet and do 2 minutes of the DVD but it's the effort of buying it that counts.)  

• Have a 2 hour bath and thank the almighty that you will not be interrupted by someone needing the toilet. (Unless you have a small child.)  

• Focus on you and your dreams what do you want? Always wanted to be a sex chat operator? You go girl! (Just me?) 

• Most importantly remember that everything happens for a reason, oh and never buy £1.00 batteries, Duracell use a bunny to advertise their product for a reason ;) 

• Ahh and relaxxxxxxx...