Bigger and better

I'm back, bigger and better than ever! 

I'm bathing in this....

Which smells like a sweet factory but I'm going to Google if bathing in hand wash is bad for me. It says it kills bacteria so I'm hoping that's a good thing I'm washing in it. Actually thinking about it, I may just buy bubble bath in future. 

And I'm bigger and better but mainly just bigger. As I found these today...

And may have been here....

But on the plus side I'm thinking of joining the gym in January. 

I've been in a bit of a confused state recently so I'm comfort eating (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) that or I'm pregnant.

I'm not pregnant for the record but that's my dilemma at the moment. I would never call myself 'earth mother' and am probably not in the running for worlds best mother, though I try my best. 

I've been doing better in myself than I have for years, which may not mean much to many but it's been a hell of a ride for me. 

I've found someone that I look to the future with but I'm starting to worry the future I said I wanted in the beginning has changed and his hasn't. 

We have been on and off for about 2 years (more off than on.) He is 15 years older than me, he has a daughter 2 years younger than me and a son who is 16. Oh and a granddaughter who is 1. 

Yes by the sounds of things we should be on the Jeremy Kyle show but you can't help who you fall for. If you don't like it stop reading. 

Recently I have been thinking about babies more. I blame my pregnant friends for making me broody and the guy I'm with for planting a seed, only to crush it. 

There are days when I recoil in horror thinking about going through pregnancy, birth and the first year of having a baby and laugh, 

"No, no never again!"

Then there are other days when all I can think about is pushing a pram and cradling a baby in my arms, pandering to it's every need. 

I know getting pregnant and having a baby is no walk in the park (though it would burn calories.) I dare say I was close to absolutely melting into a ball of nothingness after I had Scarlett but every day was worth it. (Almost, I can almost make myself believe that!) 

A seed was sown when I was asked if I wanted a baby and wouldn't it be nice if we had one? 

Before then I hadn't even thought about having another baby but now it's ALL I can think about. 

Seems as though it is too late now. As he is 40 he says no more kids, I had a 3 week window before he turned 40 apparently to make my mind up and magically get pregnant. 

I don't think I'm ready just yet but maybe in a year or 2 I would like the option. He says he will be to old which is ironic as he is the biggest kid I know. 

Watching him with Scarlett makes my heart burst with love but it also breaks with the realisation that we will probably never have children together. 

Life is all about living in the moment, so for now that's what I'm doing. 

Oh and chief babysitting duties.  

Scarlett's comment of the day... 

I was absent mindedly holding her hair and she said:

"Hey stop pulling my hair,  it's not for playing with!" 

My dumb moment of the day, I bought this face wash.....

Tip of the day: Always read the small print. 

(For men)