It is time to take the blame...open letter.

I've been thinking a lot, ok, too much about Scarlett's Dad and his new relationship. 

I'm seeing things in a new light and desperately want to move forward in a positive way with him for Scarlett's sake, but in order to do that, I have to man up and take the blame. 

I've been trying to come up with a way to say what I need to, but with him not wanting to see me I am going to write an open letter. 

Maybe once everything is laid bare, the hate will dwindle and we can be what we need to be for Scarlett...

Dear T, 

It will be 3 years in August since we were together as a family, that seemed so crazy that I had to check and reel back through memories to get back to the day that I broke us.  

I took our family away from you not once but twice. We were so young when I found out I was pregnant, me 19 and you 20. Who on earth can build a family being that young when we were so undiscovered in ourselves and our relationship? 

But 9 months later Scarlett was born, the first few months were far from smooth as a baby's bottom, but we muddled through until I didn't want to muddle anymore. 

 

I thought it was best to break, you didn't agree. 

Those months after were hell, constant arguing and digs at each other but we tried to put on a brave face for Scarlett. 

As strained as we were, we fell back together. I don't believe it was love, it was because it was easier than arguing that we became a family again. The 3 of us. 

A few months later we were still in denial, I stumbled. 3 became a messy 4. 

If I'm to believe the rumours from your side it was 4 became 5, possibly 6 but that's not an excuse - though I will stick by the mantra that everything happens for a reason. 

I'm not proud that my wedding dress has hung in my parents house for 3 years without even being tried on, or that I still can't listen to the songs that were going to be in our wedding, but 

remember that 5 weeks notice was better than 5 minutes. 

Of course all of the above is through my eyes and I know that when I asked you to leave you must have been in shock but don't you think it's about time that we learnt how to be adults? 

I'm sorry if you think I am the worst person in the world, I am sorry that I hurt you but I am not sorry for being Scarlett's Mother and bringing her into this world with you. 

I want us to share her happiest moments together, and for us all to be there for her saddest ones. Just because we are not together, it doesn't mean that we can't still be a family. We may be broken on paper but we don't have to be in life. 

There- I have laid it out, I'm bare, throw me your blows then let's move forward together. 

B. 

That's all I have.