Part time Mother

This morning I couldn't wait to have my little whirlwind of a daughter back home, now after 2 hours and the flat looking like a tornado has ripped through it, maybe I could have done with one more night away from her. 

I'm joking (sort of) but the life of a single parent is hard to balance. Not too long ago (I'm being brutally honest here but bear with) I hated being a Mother. 

Well, I hated being a single Mother. My ex barely had any time for our daughter as the pub and his mates came first, while I was left clearing up after our daughter and comforting her when she asked where Daddy was. 

Eventually after 3 years he grudgingly agreed to have her for 1 night a week, as long as I did all of the running around in respect of picking her up and dropping her off at his Mothers. 

Still I was unhappy with my 1 night of freedom. I was in my early 20's and had no life. I couldn't afford to stay in my flat as I had no money. I had a job for a while but I quit when the going got tough (and I discovered 8 year olds are smarter than me.) 

I fell into a pit of self pity and had to move back in with my parents. I had moved out when I was 19 and had been independent for years, so being told to tidy my room again was a bit of a gut punch. 

I felt suffocated at my parents and had virtually no life. My only night off from Scarlett was a Tuesday, needless to say not a lot happens on a Tuesday night. 

I started to resent Scarlett for taking my youth. I realise now that if anything, she saved my life but at the time I just wanted to be free of the label 'Mummy.' 

I hated my weekends which were spent watching crap TV with my parents, while all of my friends without kids could do what they wanted. 

I felt like I was in prison, actually I felt that prison would be better but I was not prepared to do anything to actually be put inside. I thought about robbing a bank for a fleeting moment and brought myself back to reality with a glass of wine. 

Fast forward to 8 months later and I am in a 1 bedroom flat and I only have Scarlett 3 or 4 nights a week. 

I drop her to school on a Tuesday morning and pick her up on a Friday afternoon. I work at the weekends and so sometimes after dinner on Friday Scarlett will be picked up on Saturday morning and I won't see her until Sunday afternoon. 

I am not an 'earth mother' so the arrangement suits me. I miss Scarlett terribly when she is not here but I will admit that being a part time mother suits me just fine. 

I have my life back and I am happier, which in turn makes Scarlett happier as there is less shouting from me and more treats as I don't see her as often. 

I will be honest and say being a Full Time Mother is not for me. If you are thinking that I am selfish or are wondering why I bothered to have a child, I will say that no one knows what it is to be a Mother until you are one and then you just deal with things as best as you can. 

I have had thoughts of having another baby but thankfully (for both me and the baby) I am a parent to an only child, who will forever be an only child.