Faking it

This morning my daughter caught the flu- child flu.

If you are unaware of what child flu is, I will give you a description...
Child flu is where a child wakes up on a school morning perfectly fine, then on the car journey to school starts complaining of a ‘hurty’ tummy. The child then starts to cry and complains that it ‘hurts soooooooooo bad!’
As soon as the child is home they go to bed for ten minutes before the sound of their VTech toy (no she does not have an iPad. I am a mug, but not that much of one) starts to play. Then said child runs around laughing without a care in the world.

If this has been the case for you today, you need to join the Mum Mug Club with me.

I had an inkling she was faking her illness, but the last time I thought that my daughter proceeded to throw up and poo on me at the same time to prove her point. So, this morning I was cautious and took her home.

Now I feel like a total moron. Every time I ask her if she feels ok, she clutches her tummy and winces. The Oscar for the Best Female Actress goes to Scarlett Venderpump. (Vanderpump is not her actual second name but I am protecting her name as this is the web. Vanderpump is a fantastic second name though. I borrowed it off Lisa Vanderpump from The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills programme. ITVBe is the best channel ever invented all those housewives and so little time, though I seem to find enough to watch The Real Housewives of Cheshire, Atlanta, Melbourne, Orange County and Little People LA and Atlanta.)

I am one of the most unsympathetic people with sick people. If you are ill, call me to let me know and don’t come near me until a month has passed. Sorry but you are yuck and I don’t need that.

Situations like this just make me even more hardened, now Scarlett will only have herself to blame when the next time she is (Inset HUGE air quotation marks here) ‘Sick’. I will not listen and she will go to school every day. Apart from weekends, though I think the Education Minister needs to look at that, I may have to send an email after this.

There are some obvious exceptions to the rule of going to school when ‘ill’. If she is really ill and proves it (with vomit, broken bones, blood or poo), then I will not make her go, but all in all, the dramatics and sad face will not wash with me anymore.

I could really bang on about this and REALLY rant, but Scarlett is currently chasing the dog around the house so I have to rescue him before he has a heart attack and he has to go to the ruddy vet.

Children and pets, who would have them? Oh yea, us in the Mum Mug Club.