Jamaica - landing day

I've got cankles, proper official cankles. How does victoria Beckham manage to get papped stepping off a plane in 10 inch stilettos and no water retention in sight?! Maybe she doesn't drink copious amounts if wine when she flies like I do, but if I knew cankles would be punishment I would have re-thought and only had 3/4 of a bottle.

The 10 hour flight went quite quick and the leather seats were a godsend when Scarlett spilt a drink all over me and I only had a marginally wet bum for five hours.

After the woosh of hot air that hit us (me, Scarlett and my parents), when we walked out of the airport and into Jamaica for the first time, a cocktail was a welcome distraction from the sweat pouring off my head when we got to the hotel.

I picked a green one as it looked the healthiest and I pretended it was kale juice and not rum.

I was over joyed when I got to my room and discovered I have a bath! I do love a bath, even when it is 30 degrees outside.

When it was dinner time I had to run back to my room in-between courses like a naughty school girl to have a cigarette as no one else seems to smoke in Jamaica. Weird.

I am constantly looking around the patio for giant spiders, I'm not sure if they have them here and I am certainly not Googling it. Who knows what might jump out at me, I'm trying not to think about it. Writing that has made me think about it- ahhhhhh!

To keep up with my fitness regime, (cough), I am aiming to do aqua aerobics to counteract the hundreds of plates of food I will be eating, but not tomorrow as I'm three cocktails down and it is not even 8pm. But my goodness the pins coladas here are bloody good.

Jet lag has hit me but I'm powering through. Its nearly 1am at home so I've been up for nearly 20 hours. My stress levels were ok until they were playing a game on stage and the contestants had to run and grab things off audience members.

First thing they had to get was a straw. Some woman next to me grabbed mine out of my drink and shoved it towards a six year old girl that was playing the game and then berated me for giving it to a woman.

Then the contestants had to get a drink off an audience member, the woman next to me tried to grab my drink - my drink full of rum- and give it to the child! I glared at her and snatched it back.

Lastly the contestants had to get shoes off someone, well, I slid mine off and hid them under my chair - sorry but she was not getting my brand new accessorise flip flops that I had only been wearing for an hour.

Did I feel guilty? No. I downed my drink - minus the straw- clapped and left the scene to go to bed.

Bah humbug. It must be Christmas, someone please buy me something for my cankles.