What the?

I'm confused about being confused. 

I'm not sure how you would define what I have been doing, seeing him I suppose. 

While laying in bed this morning the guy that I'm 'seeing' (after he invited himself back to mine even though I had said no as my flat was...well, it could have possibly been referred to as a pigsty and I can't even blame Scarlett as I haven't had her this week), he told me to be honest as to what I really thought about him. 

I had spent the night being quite hard on him because I knew what was going to happen and the senario of us being in bed together and them him going off the radar for a week is becoming as predictable as my Tuesday night pizza night.  

So, I didn't beat around the bush and told him that I thought he was a (excuse the language as I try to refrain from swearing in my blogs as it is unnecessary, but I told him I thought he was -and is- a pr*ck. 

Our morning after the night before routine goes like this:- 

• We wake up entwined and groan at the light. 

• He panics that he has work and then calms down and absent mindedly strokes my arm or holds my hand. 

• I tell him to go and get me a drink (of water, I'm not an alcoholic). 

• He moans at the state of my flat, I tell him I can't afford a maid. 

• He gets back in bed and wraps himself around me. 

• I get hot but fight the urge to pull away as I know it won't last long. 

• I then pull away as I don't want him thinking that I'm soft or have any kind of feelings for him. 

• We chat and at the last possible minute, get up to start the day. 

• We get dressed, I drive him home, we kiss, he dissapears for a week. 

• Friday/Saturday night we start the whole debacle again. 

It's no surprise I haven't heard from him since I dropped him home this morning but funnily enough, I'm sure at around 1am he will message me as it's a Saturday-though two nights in a row is unusual for is. 

The above is the first point of confusion, the other is...the other woman. 

His other woman, not mine. I knew last night that he was messaging someone else and he blatantly told me this morning that he really likes her and he even went as far as saying he felt "guilty" for being with me (while laying next to me naked). 

Why do I feel no guilt and why am I not threatened? Because she's not in the country. She's thousands of miles away. So while they "message every day", it's hardly like I have to worry that I'm going to bump into her on the street. Besides if she was here, I'm sure my bed would be empty at the weekends. Though, he did show a flash of jealousy when I talked about another guy. 

Let's call the guy I'm 'seeing' P for convenience. I spoke to P about another guy that I've been 'seeing' (I'm allowed to see another guy as P is messaging another girl and we are not in any kind of relationship- I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket, I'm clever) well, P wasn't exactly ecstatic to hear that, then crushed any kind of guilt I had when he said: "I should really reply to her." All together now...PR*CK. 

Funnily enough, both P and the other one I'm seeing have a hate/hate relationship with each other because of me. It's totally unfair because neither of them want to commit but apparently I'm not allowed to see anyone else. I'm single, I can. 

Back to P...this love web gets even more complicated as one of P's friends is involved who I dated a while ago (this all sounds really bad but everyone knows everyone around here), it never went anywhere, so I was astounded when this mate of P's threatened to punch P in the face when he saw us kissing one night! 

Onto the fourth point of confusion...or is it the third? I can't keep up. P has met Scarlett, he played catch with her, then she snuggled up to him on the sofa and he didn't attempt to flee. Nice guy, right? 

Then this morning while I was driving him home I saw a woman with a huge bunch of flowers walking down the street. I joked and said she had got them for him and he said: 'shall I jump out and give them to you? No, you're not the romantic type.' 

Am I not? While I don't really want a relationship, I'm still a girl. Having all of this uncertainty is making me a little uneasy. 

Though I know that nothing in this life is simple, I need some sort of definition before I morph into a real girl and get proper feelings for him, which I'm worried could be pretty soon. 

Falling for someone is a chemical reaction and I don't want to explode.

What the hell am I doing? What the hell is he doing? Life would be so much simpler if Johnny Depp just admitted his feelings for me. I'm going to watch Bridget Jones.