Pween...

Definition: A child under the age of 7 with the attitude and rudeness of a teenager. Not to be confused with a tween. A pween is far more demanding and much smaller in size (and slams less doors due to the safety catches which were installed then the pween was an innocent toddler). 

Common phrases from a pween: 

'Dont interrupt me or else you won't know.' 

'No Mummy, I can't go on! Oh, unless I get ice cream.' 

'I want to watch Bridget Jones as she's like you, she doesn't have a boyfriend.' 

'I don't like what you have cooked in the microwave, let's go to Mc Donald's as the chips are better.' 

'I spilt something, but I'm not going to tell you where I spilt it or what I spilt.' 

'I've used all of your perfume, my teddy bear smells yummy.' 

'You are a poo head. Go away, get out of my house.' 

'Get me sweets now, or else I will call the police.' 

'Get me a plaster (for the non existent) cut on my knee, or else I will call an ambulance.' 

'Get me some chocolate, if you don't I will scream.' 

My advice for dealing with a pween is to...actually I have no advice, they are exhausting, however I find that wine helps. 

I knew I got away lightly when the terrible two's never happened. It's worse now as I've taught her all the tricks that she knows. 

I'm the Mother of a pween- get me out of here!