Toad on a molehill

I have no idea what has got into my child recently, she is so cheeky and so naughty at the moment. 

Got her to go on the naughty step outside and she just sat there laughing for 5 minutes. Got her to go to the end of the garden and face the wall, 2 seconds later she's talking to the birds and to top it all off....while I'm trying to enjoy my bath (at 9.30 pm when she's been in bed for 2 hours) she announces she needs a poo.

Oh that's not the worst part, it's not just a poo it's an explosion. She gets it on the floor all round the toilet and down her legs, guess where she ended up.... In my bath!

I'm Trying to cut down on smoking but she's not helping, so now I'm going outside in a towel to take in some nicotine. 

Then I'm going to watch deadly wives which is much as it sounds, about wives murdering their husbands. It's a good job I don't have one right now.

Scarlett has come out with a couple of corkers today though:

"do you want another sweet mummy?"

"No thanks my tummy hurts."

"You should stop drinking wine mummy."

And when she was pooing while I was in the bath (before she stole it)

Me: " you're so annoying!" 

Scarlett: "I'm not annoying! Oh ok I am annoying." 

Not been my day today. Tried to cook toad in the hole and I put too much batter mix in so it was like a blooming mountain and tasted like dry cardboard. Should stick to the ready meals I think, although I am not great with them either and the plastic always seems to melt.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day!

Crash

I had an amazing driving lesson today, though must start reading those theory test books as it is in less than two weeks now ahhhhhhhhhh! 

Bridget Jones will be taking up the next week of my life though, I've got her on a 7 day loan. I feel like I'm in a marathon race to get it read, obviously i needed fuelling along the way.

Que garlic bread, pasta dripping in fatty white sauce with bacon and jam cake for dessert....oops. I feel guilty sooo guilty (pause for swig of wine.) 

Scarlett had a mini melt down when I went for my driving lesson earlier, she's been really clingy since she got back from her dad's. 

Last night she didn't go to sleep until after 11pm! Obviously she was cream cracker knackered today but she can't play up when she's at school. Reality is going to bite. 

So diet failed, I am once again in my favourite place surrounded by bubbles reading Bridget and thinking philisophical preparing another new me diet... Ah damn the wine has all gone.... X

This is a picture of a book I have never read, probably never will but it has a nice cover.

McKenna or lemon?

So this diet is going well I'm on day 2! Wahey! I even did 20 minutes of ab exercises last night and today AND walked for an hour. I'm a fitness queen!! 

I have also started taking the obligatory fat whole body selfie but don't worry I won't be posting that on here, I wouldn't want to crack your screens!

 

I went to the library after work to try and keep the enthusiasm for a bikini body up and also because I refuse to pay nearly a fiver for a fitness magazine.

I rattled my choices down to three books...there was an unrealistic bikini body in two weeks diet...ha yea right I didn't get past the ridiculous tagline and even make it to the contents page before that went back on the shelf.

Next was the lemon diet, nope too boring, then bing-a-ling!! Paul McKenna May just become my best friend. If he can convince me to hate chocolate, I will be a skinny Minnie oh and wine. Hmm not utterly convinced but I have the book for 3 weeks so will give it a bash. 

That is if I don't get distracted, I found the new Bridget Jones book on the way out and also I have finally booked my theory test so need to revise for that.

Oh and I also got distracted from the fitness books as there was a naughty section next to it....see below.

As usual so many things to do and so little time! 

Right off to sort Scarlett out who is still making a fuss at twenty to ten on a school night, ahh tomorrow morning is going to be fun! X

Bikini ready :/

I can see my cheekbones already!!! My jeans feel looser, my bum has a lil less wiggle but my stomach thinks my throat has been cut. I hate diets and I've only been on this one for 12 hours.

It's obviously not meant to be, the gym instructor cancelled her class tonight for bokwa so now I'm lazing in the bath. 

I wouldn't usually care but I just got a rather tasty rebate so the only thing to do is to book a holiday, sun, sea and sex on the beach - the cocktail I mean....obviously. 

Shame Scarlett can't come though as I'm going in September and she will be in school! 

I bought her uniform earlier, how on earth is my little angel going off to school? I know every parent thinks it but it is so surreal. 

It will be even weirder when I don't see her Tuesday morning until Friday evening as her Dad is having her. 

I'm quite emotional about it all, her growing up, not being around all the time. I know it's for the best but the selfish part of me wants to scream 'she's all mine and I don't want her growing up!'

My heart broke the other day when she came back from nursery and told me the boy she likes wouldn't play with her. I asked what she said after he said that and she said 

'I said I thought you were my best friend?'

She's so innocent bless her. Probably wasn't the best thing to say to her boys are all stinky you don't want a boyfriend anyway as she proceeded to tell her Grandma when I wasn't around. 

Oops maybe I need to grow up :/ 

I'm off to hunt for some sweets... Night! X

Flying with bingo wings

Why do holidays wear you out so much that when they are over you feel like you need another?!

I have been having siestas and I'm only 2 hours away from my house. I have done literally nothing apart from swim, read, eat, a bit of walking, sleep and eat....I am cream crackered!

We have had a lovely time though, every morning the ducks have come to the patio for their breakfast, the weather has been fantastic and Scarlett has been her cheeky self as always.

I must have eaten my weight in food though but I have been exercising a little. I did a few lunges in the park (which I got a few weird looks for) and ran around the tree top park like a looney, which ironically I got less stares for and I have come up with a new exercise....

Pretend you are an airplane stick your arms out and make small circles with your arms 30 seconds forward the 30 seconds backwards. Repeat x 4 (can streatch it throughout the day to spread the pain) and boom bingo wing blaster exercise complete.

Mmm must be chocolate cake time, then sleep time. Homeward bound tomorrow.

X

A mother's bicep

Doing this blog makes me appreciate scarlett as a person documenting all of the funny, annoying cheeky things she does.

For example last night I asked scarlett for a milk bottle sweet and she said

"Mummy, I'm not getting up again!" And held her hands up with her little annoyed face. Me and my dad were in stitches.

Just flicked past the horse racing swear said horse was 9st 12lb I have since decided I need to diet and do more exercise and I have come up with fun ways to lose weight, seeing as I weigh more than a horse.

Today, pretend you are swimming in St Lucia (or any tropical island of your choice) lay on your bed with your legs hanging off the end and kick up and down as fast as u can for 30 seconds stop then repeat x 3 and that is your exercise for the day.
I did used to have one bicep bigger than the other from carrying Scarlett around for 4 years, I call it a mother's bicep as we all have one bigger than the other from carrying our kids around, unless you can switch from arm to arm, if you can, I am totally jealous! So tomorrow I will come up with weak non carrying arm exercises.

I also did a bit of extra exercise in the actual pool today, well while waiting to go down the slide...I kept walking up and down the top step, granted I looked ridiculous but now I can sit on the patio with a book and a glass of wine guilt free.... result!

I'm a open/closed book

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

Like a good book I keep coming back to my blog, I pick it up, then put it down but I always come back, like a duck looking for food (I'm sitting outside my cabin in Longleat Centre Parcs and a duck walked past, so it seemed apt.)

I may have left this for so long as when I moved in with my parents for ten months and now I've moved out again (ironically with less time to blog and doing everything myself again, like washing clothes. ..which I have not missed doing) I realised it has been too long without a post!

So no promises of endless daily posts but hopefully one a day, if my child and sleepy eyes permit, I'm back!!

Speak soon x