Advent is over

I have just consumed all of the chocolates in my advent calendar.  To be fair I have done quite well, it's the twelth so I've lasted 11 days longer than usual :/

A mothers constant competition

Sleep, wake, shower, wake child  get child washed and dressed, put a load of washing on, was up dishes, make child look immaculate,  meke self look immaculate,  drop child off at school, carry on the rest of day bring perfect.....thats not me.

Wake, shower,  sort through clothes on the floor I haven't worn but are clean, rely heavily on Grandma to sort child out so I can slap on some make up and run out of the door with still wet hair.

Mothering is a competition I don't always win, in fact most days, I'm just glad we're still alive at the end!

Recently, Scarlett has tested my mothering skills with things I didn't think I would have to worry about until shes a teenager. She is going through a pulling down trousers at inappropriate times stage.

If she was a boy, I would be like 'Oh, it's just boys being boys' but now I'm screaming 'I don't want her to be a teenage mother!!'

Reading this book 'The child, The family and the outside world by D. W. Winnicott has reminded me Scarlett is just a little girl growing up and we are both learning together. Of course it's not easy but nothing worth doing ever is, I'm glad I've got my little angel (little exhibitionist) to stumble down with road with.

Oh seriously?! While writing this I just walked in dog poo......

Ballet dancer's lost dreams

And point and lift and pirouette and thats all I know (ok I Googled the last one) but I was a ballet dancer once....sort of.

Well every 6 year old girl was weren't they? I had the pink knitted cardi, purple leotard and pink ballet shoes. I couldn't wait to learn to use the shoes where you went on your tippy toes.

I danced for a few years then one girl made a comment about wanting to dance next to my best friend because i always did and I got in a strop and quit.

Dreams of the tippy toe shoes gone in a flash, I could have been there tonight dancing in the pretty dresses.

Ok I wasn't that good but the Russian ballet performing The Nutcracker tonight were phenomenal. 

So flawless, their feet barely made a sound when they landed. Some of the girls looked like they hadn't met a decent dinner plate in a while and made me feel guilty for eating a bag of chocolate while watching but hey they like dancing,  I like eating chocolate.

Usually anything where in the end its 'all a dream' really winds me up, but this was so magical I was totally transported. I believed it, it was real, in front of my eyes, The Nutcracker came alive.

I forgot all of my worries, I was transfixed and didn't want it to end but obviously like all good things inevitably it is now just a memory.

Scarlett absolutely loved it 'I like the pretty boys!' And now as expected she wants to become a ballet dancer. Best look into how much thats going to cost me then! Oh and the picture is of her being as sophisticated as usual.

So from dreams and memories to reality....The only way is Essexmas is on....

When you feel like your clothes are eating you...

Maybe it's time to put down that chocolate bar. I feel like I'm going to have a hulk moment and burst out of my clothes at any minute.
Damn whoever invented sweet sugary bars of fattyness.

Ok all this talk of food is making me hungry, thaink I may greggs it at lunch, what?! I am going to the gym tonight.

Right proper catch up later, I running (well walking) late.....

Lost my baby

Tomorrow is the beginning of scarletts real life...the applications for schools open and I will be the sad mother on there first thing.

Not because I'm dying to get rid of her but because if I don't do it tomorrow, I will most likely forget until it's too late and she's sent to a school 20 miles away. 

These last few months are the last of the baby years. When did that tiny little bundle turn into my amazing, H drawing (she randomly did it today- child prodigy) bossy boots I have today?

Don't get me wrong those first few days, weeks, months and even years were a struggle and I am glad I will never be doing it again - but it flew. I barely remember her being a baby. Ok thats a lie, I remember the puke, the screaming (me) the crying (me and her) my ears are still ringing but how was that all nearly 4 years ago?
She's a total character now, a real little person with her own thoughts and feelings to express, which believe me she does. I'm still scared every day that something is going to happen to her, I still check shes breathing in the night sometimes, not ten times a night like I used to, or when she was in her pushchair (I hardly ever put the rain cover over as I was scared she would suffocate.) Before I know it she will be an independant woman, which is what scares me the most.

So I have to enjoy every single moment and count my blessings every day, that she is here, healthy and happy even if she does boss me around like earlier....

"You have to tidy up because I made a mess. I'm going for a bath."

Thats my girl
Xxxxx

Not so clever now am i?!

So I got an email back from my gas and electric company responding to my email and what a plank I am. "We couldn't find the account you were referring to as there is no reference number." Honestly! So now I have to go back and swallow my pride a little bit. Actually no, they had my full name I'm sure they could have searched by that or called me on the number I left for them- they are trying to make me look like a fool! (Shame I'm the one coughing on my words now- oops!) Yesterday I felt the blood supply was going to be cut off my lower half, size 8 trousers were not a good idea but they fitted better than my size 10's, how does that work?! so I went fat pant shopping and today I was sucked to within an inch of my life. I could barely breathe and I got stuck trying to take them off to go to the bathroom (which was ok because I must have sweated off like 10 pounds getting them off and on again) but at least I had a flat stomach in my skirt. on the note of letting it all hang out - I may have mentioned this before but whoever brought leggings back into fashion has a lot to answer for. The sun + cheap black leggings and a top that does not cover enough = everyone can see your pants. come on girls, sort it out. That includes the gym, there were a few sights in there. I mean I look like a hot mess, bright red, sweaty and disgusting but at least my top covers up everything it needs to. I was blissfully going through my day in the bath when there was a little tap on the door "I need to come in." In Scarlett comes and starts trying to read my book to me. No it's not the Hunger Games, I have all but given up on that. I'm going to read the last couple of chapters of the last book and failing getting the jist of that, I will just watch the film when it comes out. when Scarlett got bored of trying to read the book she proceeded to poke me in the eye and scratch my eyebrow while pointing and asking what colour my eyes were. Cheers babe. Bless her lil cottons x

Sad Sum Tum

Reality hit today I have gained a Sum Tum (Summer Tummy.) I already knew it, but trying to squeeze into my size ten work trousers this morning, I have to face the next few weeks without chocolate. (not wine, wine is good for you.) So for the next few weeks I'm pretty much going to be alternating between 2 skirts, a black and a purple. Do you think anyone will notice? they are both pencil skirts so one day I can tuck a top in and use a belt to accessorise, then then next day I can get away with wearing the same skirt and wear a long top. Being able to dress down all summer has been great, but my jeans are forgiving and have stretched somewhat and dresses are always easy to hide weight gain in the summer. So tomorrow it's back to the gym. I am going to un-cancel my cancellation from last month and work my arse off. I cant wear a skirt all winter because I was absolutely freezing today! No stupid 900 calorie diets, just stop opening mouth and start moving arse. just watching the Real Housewives of Vancouver, some of the women are absolutely vile and are like "if I want to buy a pair of $1,000 shoes, I can buy them" and the best one yet "I don't have a lot of stress. I get irritated if my latte's gross, but that's about it." some people really need a reality check. I'm like totally going to throw up in my imaginary Jimmy Choo's now Tarrah!