The importance of toilet paper

Good quality toilet paper.

Living with six kids and three adults, our house can become at times chaotic- to say the least.

From cries of 'Get off me!' 'Leave me alone!' to the girls screaming from the moment they wake up to the minute they are separated at bedtime, there is one cry which is screamed more often than any other...

'There is no toilet paper!'

Luckily we have three toilets, so sometimes I am able to scrabble together a few sheets and hand them over to the wanting person, but weirdly we seem to run completely out of toilet paper a heck of a lot.

Thinking he was being helpful (bless him for trying), my partner decided to get a haul of 36 toilet rolls to get us through the next two weeks. I don't know if his intention was to help save the planet by getting recycled toilet rolls, or if he simply ordered the most he could at one time- but we have all suffered from his mistake.

Recycled- from what?! Branches and twigs?!

I was lucky to not be scarred from childbirth, but the money he saved on this paper will be needed to pay for the scarring I have acquired over the past few days.

Pain in the ass does not cover it.

Sorry to be so crass but I feel like this is a public health warning.

Don't tell my partner but I squirreled a few extra sheets of toilet roll from Mc Donald's earlier so I could have some light relief. Actually, don't tell Mc Donald's either. I don't know how they would feel about me taking their toilet roll- though I could call it tax because they put the price up on Happy Meals. £1.99 was a bargain, over £2.19 is not.

Anyway, You have been warned. About the toilet roll, and the (un) Happy Meals.

Should I feelt guilty for abandoning the kids?

Because I don't.

I have been absent for a while because I was on holiday at an all inclusive resort in Fuerteventura, childless.

Before I went, many people asked if me and my partner were bringing our four children. I looked at them gaily, and with a smile which reached my eyes (and went well beyond), said: 'No.'

'But don't you feel guilty leaving them behind?' They asked.

No.

And I will tell you what- it was blooming blissful.

Though I did have thoughts on the plane of commandeering a child for a few hours from the pool, but weirdly when we got to the complex, those thoughts scurried away and hid under the rock where they first came from.

A surrogate puppy in the apartment next to ours lessened the pain of not being with our children and puppy, and we were allowed to behave like adults (ok maybe like children).

We remembered what it was like to leave the apartment whenever we wanted without being delayed by little legs searching for toys called rainbow unicorn bear. We sat on the beach and actually relaxed, there was no constant panic of a child drowning at sea. We caught crabs (the type you don't need medication for), ate whatever WE wanted and didn't have to worry about getting a babysitter for the evenings.

I know not everyone is as fortunate as we are, but abandoning the kids for a week truly did wonders for my soul, however I did get my comeuppance.

My nose is now so red, Rudolph is out of the running for leading the sleigh this year and the temperature was near freezing when we landed at Gatwick. I almost had to go to the hospital on the way home to be treated for hypothermia, as I was wearing a short skirt and vest top because I wanted to show off my tan/sunburn.

Back to reality now, Scarlett is currently arguing with me because I want the last biscuit. She said she missed me, but not that much.

she is so childish.